I empathize with everyone involved in my sitch and how it affects them. From my W and kids, to my parents and family to my W's parents and family, to our joint friends and other acquaintances, both formally and informally...
Every one of them is having their own unique experience of our sitch. Some more emotionally than others.
It's OK to feel bad for your ILs. It's just that you don't need to own their feelings. You can't help them with their feelings. In the same way that you cannot help your W with whatever she is going through which led her to leave and not want to reconcile.
You are a good man and it appears you are trying to fix everyone else and you can not. It is time for you to give in and allow everyone else to have their own experience and emotions. They need to work all this out for themselves.
The only thing you can do is work on yourself. That does not mean that you forget. Please do not forget. That would lead to the likelyhood that you would make the same mistakes.
Rather than forgetting... how about forgiving...?
No... do not forgive anyone else... at least, not yet... first, forgive yourself.
And no... I don't mean forgive yourself for your mistakes... at least, not yet...
I mean forgive yourself for not being able to "fix" the problems for everyone else. Because I see something in you that leads me to think you have taken this entire burden on as your own and something that you will consider yourself a failure if you cannot fix...
Forgive yourself your inability to fix this. You cannot. And then you can move on to the rest of the work...
