4 months........

[~ kd ~]

...his last text said he doesn't have anything more to say...

Read that again...

It is simply information... and it was said in a moment.

I'm guessing he'll let you know when he finally has more to say. And I'm guessing he'll have more to say in the future...

Stay focused on you and how's the rest of your life going, anyhow? Anything fun? Anything interesting? Anything noteworthy?

[2stepboogie]

Men want what they cannot have. It is true. Go back and think about previous R you ended.

In school I was always very popular same as in college.

Meeting girls was never an issue but you know which ones I always wanted. The ones that were not interested. Funny how that works.

So DG, is that you?

I always say the fastest way for a guy to turn is for him to feel like he lost you. You chase and chase and chase and then you stop.

You leave him wondering why?

Scratching his head.

hugs DG ((( )))

[JustStunned]

DG, I have asked myself the same questions. I have not had contact in over a month, well there was an aberrant text message meant to be a FB post, but that was not directed at me. It is as if STBXW fell off the face, or was actually abducted by aliens . The lack of distractions has permitted me to focus on me.

We have to do what is best for each of us according to each of our situations.

What ever the outcome it’ll be over when you decide it is over. Do not assume it is over.

You have value. Your happiness is yours to control. Do not depend on what someone else decides or does for it

Reading into the drama is a waste as it expends energy you need to move forward, to heal you. Break your plan up into smaller bites. Evaluate facts to determine if you’re making progress and adjust as necessary.

Back in the day, before lasers and GPS we watched where the impact occurred and adjusted to target. The measure of a crews performance was determined by how little adjustment was needed. That was very dependant on factual information about each variable in the firing solution. It is the same principal here, but I digress.

[~¤DG¤~]

You guys are so helpful, I hope you know how much I appreciate all the support I receive here.

I had a very strong urge to text H today and ask him when he was going to come get the rest of his belongings, but I didn't. Even though we have had NC for a week, I realize that might not be enough time.
I do worry about us drifting apart during our time apart, but I try to remind myself that I can't do anything about that.

I will admit, where I am struggling the most is with the cell phone records. I check it every day, even twice a day sometimes. Why do I do this? Why can't I stop? If I see a number I don't recognize I start to panic and think that he is talking to another W. I know it is my own insecurity that is making me do this, and I want to stop, but it's almost impossible to.

2x4's please.......

[Queen_of_Swords]

So, you obsessively check cell phone records. What's the payoff here? Is it distraction, is it soothing behaviour somehow? If so, find another distraction, another way to soothe yourself that isn't self destructive ,addictive or obsessive.

So, let's say you find a number of an OW.
What then? What will you do with that information? How will it change things? Is it to your benefit or is it just another way to jack up your stress level and justify behavioural excess?


Hmmmmm.?

[LearningPatience]

The cell phone records were tough for me, but I knew who W was calling and texting. It was more a matter of the amounts. Nothing good came of me looking, so I completely quit. Will power DG, will power...

[jbnati]

DG, how is it making you feel when you check the cell phone records? Anxious? Paranoid? More insecure? STOP! DON'T DO IT! Whatever you do, don't sign up for Intellius to get a reverse lookup!

I understand about the concern of avoiding contact. It almost feels counterproductive at times, like it's going to have the affect you intuitively feel it is going to have.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

No Contact I suppose could mean just not interacting with the spouse, but I always viewed it as removing myself from the drama, which included...snooping.

I always viewed it as protecting my state of mind.

[~ kd ~]

I'll add... detach...

I find a lot of your posts are focused on your H and what he might be thinking, doing, etc...

He's not something you can control. Sad and frustrating, but true.

I wasn't as detached as I am now, once I stopped snooping. But they seem to go hand in hand.

As Jack said, I was done with the drama...

Really, really done...

and that's when I stopped snooping...

and that helped me detach.

[~¤DG¤~]

You all have very valid points, and in my rational head it does make sense, it's my irrational part that is causing me grief.

I know if I continue to do this, I will never fully be able to let go.

When I do look at the records, I feel anxious with worry over what I might find. When I don't find anything, relief sweeps over me and I think "Oh good, he still loves me.". But if I do see a number I don't recognize my mind automatically starts to wonder who that person could be, and I almost always assume it's a woman.