Some of us survivors came out of our marriages in Shock. We had no idea things were going to end and for us - it took a long while before we could pick up our pieces, heal emotionally and then even think about someone else. Others here knew the D was coming for a long time and were more prepared for it. Hence - maybe they were emotionally ready to date sooner.
I don't think there is any set time frame for being ready. 6 months? 6 years? NOPE - there is no magic number. Some people bounce back quicker and some never recover at all. Some people can date sooner, some never have the desire to be part of a couple again.
That said - Working on yourself, learning to love yourself, knowing that being happily single is not a BAD THING. That there is NO stigma attached to it - is wonderful. Finding out WHO you are. Doing what you want, when you want to do it - it is a fabulous time in your life. Picking up an old hobby - trying a new one - joining a club or making a bucket list and start ticking those things off - adventures, travel - the sky is the limit.
So let's not set limits on ourselves. Let's keep the timeframe out of it. But let's be REALLY REALLY honest with ourselves about our vulnerabilities and our readiness.
Dating can be fun but not when you are super sensitive and still hurting deeply.
Some of us survivors came out of our marriages in Shock. We had no idea things were going to end and for us - it took a long while before we could pick up our pieces, heal emotionally and then even think about someone else. Others here knew the D was coming for a long time and were more prepared for it. Hence - maybe they were emotionally ready to date sooner.
I don't think there is any set time frame for being ready. 6 months? 6 years? NOPE - there is no magic number. Some people bounce back quicker and some never recover at all. Some people can date sooner, some never have the desire to be part of a couple again.
That said - Working on yourself, learning to love yourself, knowing that being happily single is not a BAD THING. That there is NO stigma attached to it - is wonderful. Finding out WHO you are. Doing what you want, when you want to do it - it is a fabulous time in your life. Picking up an old hobby - trying a new one - joining a club or making a bucket list and start ticking those things off - adventures, travel - the sky is the limit.
So let's not set limits on ourselves. Let's keep the timeframe out of it. But let's be REALLY REALLY honest with ourselves about our vulnerabilities and our readiness.
Dating can be fun but not when you are super sensitive and still hurting deeply.
Barb
"LIKE"
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
I still say date only dead people...but no one listens to me! You'll never hear "I love you but I'm not in love with you" ever again and, if your date was cremated, you can sneak her into the theater in a Zip Loc Sandwich bag. Think of the bucks you can save. But you all do what you want, you will anyway!
I also think it's perfectly okay to start dating and then after a bit take a break from dating. We're all in different places and have to do what's right for us.
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
I think it's all about where the fear is. If you're afraid to be alone - you run the risk of latching on to the first person you date, who may not be a good choice (we've all seen it here). But if you're afraid of getting involved again - you may need to push yourself out there to date.
CTH, I keep thinking of this: My worry is the opposite of what you are saying. I worry if I don't actively get out there and look I'll just melt into a life of work, working out, kids ...
What's wrong with that? What is wrong with just 'melting' for awhile? I know I offer the opposite opinion from many on here, but I still think you need to be cautious about jumping right back in; regardless of whethere you are/were "done" or not. IMHO
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
For me, once the end comes, I will be used to the "loneliness". I spend a lot of time alone now, with kids grown, and H always away on business. So, there won't be anything different except the logistics of being separated, i.e. finances.
At this point, I am so not interested in pursuing a new R, and I wonder if I ever will be. My first marriage was abusive, and this one, while a happier one, was fraught with difficulties such as control and other things that I won't bring up again. Control has been the main issue lately, and his lack of empathy. Of course, it doesn't help that he has told me that he doesn't love me, so that makes it easier. Why would I want to be with someone who doesn't love me?
So, once I am completely free ... you will not find my pic on any online dating agency. I will do my own thing, and concentrate more on my studies/new career, and kids/grandkids.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
