Good stuff! You sound emotionally healthy, for the most part...
Only you know what is and is not a deal breaker for you. If you need your W to acknowledge and make amends or "do the work", then that is what you want.
Simple acid test: In any future R or M, would you give your new love a form to fill out, describing her past Rs and what she learned and how she grew and what she plans to do to ensure that your R and future with her will be perfect and last forever? Would you poke around, enrolling others to give opinions on your new partner. Looking for dirt so that you could have proof that your partner isn't trying or hasn't learned anything from their past?
Would you fill out same form if required by some future partner?
A touch of sarcasm there. A leading question, to be sure.
Still, the point is... If your W was someone else, someone you were not previously involved with, how much of her past would you bring up as a gauge for your R with her?
Or would you simply trust that you will be better with a new R or M and be the best that you can be and believe that your new partner will be the same?
Your choice remains your choice. Not good or bad, right or wrong. Simply your choice.
And if it is a deal breaker for you, that's cool by me... I often rethink what I consider to be deal breakers, and I drop some and add others, depending on where I'm at.
