Fool me once, Shame on ME

[Denver_2010]

The woman continues to perplex me.

She texted me last night at 1:30 about me dropping off son when she wakes up from her nights. ( She is has been on nights for the last 3)

I responded: Ok

Then in a rather annoyed text tone. She said , ARe you going to respond to this in a timely manner or are you going to ignore my text like most of them.

Then she immediately responded with a " Thank you for the prompt response"

She did text me a few more things but I cant remember what they were.

She seems to text quite a bit. That isnt normal is it? I know people will say she is trying to keep me on the hook. I wish I knew what she was thinking.

Who cares ! Right?

9

You care 9. Bc you are still here and are still hopeful that your M can ultimately be saved. And that is OKAY man. There is nothing wrong with that. That is why we come here in the first place. To save our M's.

Okay... so the text messages. IMO, your W is wondering WTF is going on. For so long you were on the hook and she knew it.... she could rely upon it.. and she could do whatever she wanted bc of it.

Now, she senses that you are not. She sees you going out. She sees you taking an overnight bag with you. She sees you GALing. And she's beginning to wonder if you have truly wiggled off the hook.

So the text messages are your W testing you and taking your temperature... to see where your head is with wanting her back.

My guess is that the next thing that you will see is your W becoming very angry that you are not responding or acting the way that she wants you to, i.e., interested in her and jumping to talk to her. Again, this is a test for you to remain calm and be the new you.

Keep doing what you are doing 9. It seems to be working... it's doing something that's for sure.

BITS
Denver

[25yearsmlc]

9

she's SO not done...

but, she IS NOT home either. You gotta do what you are doing, move on and detach.

I think if you move on (which does NOT = giving up) you will heal faster and be a better h

for whomever...

and ironically the very pulling back and detaching you need to do


are also the things most likely to get her attention (we KNOW that's true!)


and yet, you cannot have that as your goal....

weird, I know. But life is like that.

[ninelives]

I had a pretty good weekend everybody. Did not see my W other than as I was driving into town, I saw her drive by me. She looked a little rough but she did finish 3 nights in a row.

Went to a stag and doe dance on Sat night. Showed up with a very pretty girl and her friends. We are just friends and I did teach her. While I was at this dance, there were soooooo many ex students there. Which is good, they bought me a lot of drinks and I was flirting with a girl I coach soccer against. We actually have made plans for a date on Monday and Wed. Saw some of my W's friends there and they were super nice to me and said it was good to see me as my old self again.

ON the way home, I responded to some of her earlier texts about some more night shifts coming up for her. Then she texted me about 6 times about meaningless stuff. I didnt respond to any of them.

One asked if I was at the Stag and Doe last night.

Another asked " When was I going to tell her that a bear was in my back yard yesterday"

I didnt respond to that one either because I know her sister was going to tell her since it was my BIL that told me.



Today went boating with a gang of people. We used to do this a lot as a family. Same group of people minus my kids and wife. Boating on the NOrth Channel is said to be some of the best boating in the World. Behind the French Rivera and Carribean ,

We go out and try and find a deserted island with a good beach. There are dozens of them literally 25 minutes from my house. It was fun but i did get a twinge of missing my wife as this is the first time Ive done this without her.

I came in a boat again with the pretty teacher I showed up with at the Stag and doe.

Tonight our HBO show, True Blood is on . We used to watch that together religiously. Again, another twinge but Im navigating it allright.

Forgot to mention, the other day I saw an older secretary of our school in town. She said she was sorry for all the things that have happened and said if its any consolation to you, I saw your Wife the other day down town and she looked like Sh!te.

Gotta keep going.

9

[~¤DG¤~]

Sounds like you had a good weekend 9, and you deserve it.

[ninelives]

UPDATE:

I have been talking with a few girls and dating and trying to find my place in this mess.

Last night I went over to this one girl that I was conversing with for a few months and coach soccer against her.

She has a nice place overlooking the water, she is a hard worker and so outdoorsy, so differnt then my wife who is a girly girl.

We had dinner, people kept dropping in for a beer and we had so much company. My bikes' battery died so I was stranded at her place till after midnight.

I had a couple of glasses of wine for the first time in my life and actually liked it. To make a long story short, it happened and it was very nice. So unexpected for both of us.

She has a daughter that is away for a month. Our ages are a bit of a concern as she is 33 and I am 47 but she did make a comment that I looked good for an Old man. I am probably close to the best shape I have been in my life.

Anyway, It helped me get a different perspective on my wife. She infact is NOT the only one out there and there is potential for happiness.

I do understand that I may be rebounding but she is such a unique girl that we at least have the summer to look forward to.

She too just got out of a relationship recently and was lonely.

Take it slow and honest and just see where this goes. I was never one to just sit back , I have been apart from my W since NOveember but she has been cheating no me for almost two years so there is that to consider.

9

[2stepboogie]

I am always watching 9 (referring to your post on my thread) I have said from the beginning that the sooner you get into the mind set that you are moving forward and start living your life the sooner I think your W will begin to wake up.

Now I am not saying that to get you to look back, there is nothing to look back to.

Letting go and moving on is freaking hard and it is painful. To us it feels as if we are giving up but when we accept it for what it is then and only then can we begin to make progress in our lives.

I say enjoy her company and live it up. It is all not doom and gloom.

IF there is a change she will know where to find you.

You will be living and enjoying this girls company.

Make these two song your new mantra.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWkDmSfZI2Q

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oh8jecTDbII

[LearningPatience]

I do understand that I may be rebounding but she is such a unique girl that we at least have the summer to look forward to.

She too just got out of a relationship recently and was lonely.

Congrats! That said... danger Will Robinson, danger

Like you said, take it slow, very slow. Don't confuse loneliness with companionship. Make sure your motivations are healthy.

I have been apart from my W since NOveember but she has been cheating no me for almost two years so there is that to consider.

This comes across as trying to justify yourself. If you are truly over your W, would you have to?

Not trying to bust your chops, I am happy you are GAL. Who knows, you may have to repeat these words back to me in the future

[ninelives]

Thanks 2 step. Hearing it from you certainly gives some creedence as I know you have your head on straight with values and morals.

You are right as well LP. Its almost like Im trying to justify what im doing like im doing something wrong.

Not to get too personel but since this is anonymous to some degree. I could not finish the deal again if you know what I mean. Dont want to put a time on it but I could have watched a period or two of hockey. That concerns me. With my W, I was a normal timed guy in the bedroom but now , Its Ron Jeremy territory. In the end , I just didnt which made her feel bad.
( Sorry if Im getting too personel here, Im not seeing a coucniler anymore and just wondering if there is insight)
Could it be guilt that I am cheating or something crazy like that?

Also, I apologize if i sound like Im coming across ( pardon the pun), as a player. Im NOT. Ive always done ok with the ladies but not player territory. Ever since elementary school, I was always in a committed relationship of some kind. My face is actually red as I write this.

Im simply trying to navigate this hurt from my wife, not trying to hurt anybody and you know, getting some needs met. Its been months since the last time. Does that make me weak?

9

[2stepboogie]

Could it be guilt that I am cheating or something crazy like that?

That is exactly what it is. It is normal after such a traumatic experience to not be able to "perform" in the bedroom. It is a clear indication that you are still very much hurt and you still love your wife very much. Sloooooooow is the name of the game here. I think you should GAL and go out but be honest with yourself and be honest with anyone you meet. In the end you are protecting yourself and them.

Does that make me weak?

No. It makes you human.

Don't judge your emotions.

They are not right or wrong.

[♪CS♪]

You could fake it...

Well you know, if it's enough already and you just wanna get some sleep

In all seriousness, you may want to consider what this means. Maybe nothing, but maybe a clue as to whether you are, or are not ready to go down this path quite yet.