I like hanging up, but TELLING them you're going to hang up, so you are still the calm, in-control one:
"OK, that's just rude and disrespectful, and I value myself way too much to listen to that. I'm going to hang up now. Goodnight."
And then hang up.
Starsky
I like this quote Starsky. As of right now I don’t plan on talking to her, unless absolutely necessary.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Damn auto spell and edit button. She was raising her voice, not her voicemail. LOL She didn’t even leave a voicemail.
I should change my greeting to the one 25 has recommended on these forums. Perhaps it is too much for right now. I better get through this week first.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I like hanging up, but TELLING them you're going to hang up, so you are still the calm, in-control one:
"OK, that's just rude and disrespectful, and I value myself way too much to listen to that. I'm going to hang up now. Goodnight."
And then hang up.
I agree with this. The particular verbiage is less important than the state in which it is delivered. If you can do so without fear or anger, you will show her strength.
However, if you were at a point in which you felt you were unable to deliver the message without fear or anger, hanging up without a word is better than saying something you will regret.
From the sound of your posts LITB, I believe you will be able to do so calmly, if the situation arises again.
As Bond said, the action is an attempt to deliver the message in which your W will best understand. It is not that doing so will make them understand it this way, only what may be the best information for them to come to this conclusion.
Do we do something to make the S think or do something? No.
However, it seems to me, constructing our actions in such a way that our S can understand, is useful.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
I like hanging up, but TELLING them you're going to hang up, so you are still the calm, in-control one:
"OK, that's just rude and disrespectful, and I value myself way too much to listen to that. I'm going to hang up now. Goodnight."
And then hang up.
I agree with this. The particular verbiage is less important than the state in which it is delivered. If you can do so without fear or anger, you will show her strength.
However, if you were at a point in which you felt you were unable to deliver the message without fear or anger, hanging up without a word is better than saying something you will regret.
CS, 2step and Starsky.....I hope to be more prepared next time I get blindsided like that. Of course I won't be getting blindsided, because I now know that everything goes.
Her comments yesterday left me speechless. I couldn't believe what she was saying.
Over the weekend, there were a few times that I was second guessing my decision to fight for custody of my kids because of the ugliness. I didn't want to hurt her, my MIL or my kids. I can't protect my W from herself.
My W's behavior yesterday confirms to me that I did make the right decision.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Why? And How so? I mean is it b/c you are angered? That's not a good reason.
Is it b/c you think this means she would have used any means to hurt you AND
since she'd have the kids, "9/10 of the law is possession"?
Just asking you to think about it.
(( ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Why? And How so? I mean is it b/c you are angered? That's not a good reason.
Is it b/c you think this means she would have used any means to hurt you AND
Would she show this
since she'd have the kids, "9/10 of the law is possession"?
Just asking you to think about it.
(( ))
Honestly 25, I am not angry about what she said. What she said did not hurt as much as it surprised me. I know in my heart that my dad would be “very” proud of what I am doing and the way I’ve handled myself.
As for my W, I have genuine concern for her. As long as I have known her and been with her, I have never seen this type of behavior. I don't believe that she would intentionally try to hurt me.
The reason I said that it confirms my decision, is because if she is behaving this way………..how can I not protect my kids from what she might put them through? In my mind, as long as they are with me, my W can’t drag them through whatever she is going through.
Also, if she thinks her life was difficult while we were raising our kids together. She will find that having to care for her mother and 2 very active kids by herself is no walk in the park. I’m afraid that the stress might be too much for her. She ran from what I feel was a decent life, not perfect, decent. I don’t know what she will do when the reality sets in that she made her life much more difficult.
I suppose we can call it damage control, because my kids are going to get hurt no matter what.
I know that I made the right decision.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I want to chime in here and offer another perspective.
As many of you know, I condone fighting for the kids 100%. Rather, I condone fighting 100% what is socially and developmentally considered the best for the kids.
I left the family home. I had my reasons and for me, it was the best decision.
That choice could have people feeling that I've abandoned my children. And I will argue to my death bed that I have not abandoned my children. I am fighting 100% for what I believe is best for my children, no matter how it might look. I might have a picture of how it "should" look, but that does not mean it has to look that way.
I am doing everything I can in the mean time to be with my children and be there for my children.
We can paint a picture of what abandonment could look like. But just because something looks a certain way, does not mean that is the case or the meaning. Just because our S may tell us they are fine and look like they are doing fine and are happy, does not mean that is the case.
Rather than focusing on judging someone as abandoning the children, fight for what is "best" for the children. And that is access to both parents. Sometimes, fighting to have the other parent be responsible for and be with the children, rather than allowing them to abandon their children is the best thing to do...
Not our choice karma. As fathers, we have to protect our kids. It is our responsibility. I'm a very humble guy. This decision certainly is not about my ego.
I do get what you mean about the destruction of the decisions we are left with. It suck.s.
Man i hate it that there's no good edit feature here.
Oops. I meant it from the WAS point of view. We are only doing what we can to keep our familes intact. It is sad that the WAS somehow see a rosy picture.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
