Thanks 25. I do use the term "rape" somewhat loosely, but legally and most importantly, in my mind and heart and in hers, it was rape. I do have a counselor and it is one of the first things I ever told him about. I remember saying "I don't want to be the kind of person that does that". I have a session tomorrow and will definitely focus on this issue and how I can overcome it. Not truly dealing with it, is not allowing me to heal and do the right things.
I agree it is absolutely cause for divorce. I can't believe STBX actually gave me any chance at reconcilation after. I really have screwed things up about as much as one person can. I don't know if I will ever get over the guilt and shame I feel for everything I have done. I do know that I actually have more than I deserve. I could be in prison, without my kids, without my home and with an ex wife who wants to destroy me.
