Preparing For Big D & STILL Here

[25yearsmlc]

you're still justifying not discussing it with her

and getting bogged down in who knew what and when...

clearly you gave details they lacked...

AND that's all minutia compared to the big picture here.

Unless you use the word "rape" loosely (which definitely hurts you to write down, legally)

fyi

you are confessing to a FELONY,


and


If you are using the word correctly, I don't give a cr@P about what she said, or to whom, OR if she had an affair.

Rape is grounds for divorce AND jail time...

Your endless focus on her affair means you still don't get it!!

You are STILL making this about wanting her to confess her affair.

It pales in comparison to rape.

It's not on the same planet.

And you told the kids the details b/c you wanted your wife to confess her A.

You admit this.

So virtually NONE of what you said to us in that lengthy defensive dumping
to your kids

was for a loving reason. NONE OF IT...it was all manipulation.

The two largest issues are

1) the rape itself and

2) the lie you tell yourself and your wife and others, about your motivation.

You have some tough inner work to do, and I don't envy you.

But if you cannot examine YOUR behavior and YOUR motivations for it, you will relive this and lose a lot more than you already have.

How can your kids see you in the same light with all your blurting out of your insecurites/fears and past anger....and crime...?? That just wasn't appropriate on any level.

the 12 steppers call it "inappropriately intimacy" for a reason. Saying something out loud so they HAVE to react,

is not nearly as benign as you say. And you did not have the righ to tell them. I know you won't see this. You are still justifying/rationalizing and focussing on the wrong things.



PLEASE DO NOT talk about genuine true remorse or honesty.

REAL REMORSE means NO strings are attached to that,

and no results are desired except the desire for absolution from God.

You did not have genuine real remorse.

It was regret with an ulterior motive,

and some or all of the regret was b/c on your scorecard, you knew she had a big fat "winning" point.

Your admitted goal was about what SHE would confess

and that is NOT genuine spiritual remorse about your own failings.

As for Honesty. I hope you see now how much your post lacked. I wonder if you are honest with yourself. Do you have a c? A minister?

IF so, discuss things with him/her BEFORE you do more damage

Like I said, I don't envy you. But you have only scratched the surface of your own part in this. Worse, you worsen things now, today and you don't see that.

Inflicting pain on someone in the past takes a lot of work to overcome, spiritually.

Don't keep making it worse with your actions today.

Keep doing the REAL WORK (solely on YOU & YOUR Life) and get well. Good luck.