Nothing much about the convo you had with your W. An overall sense that you did well. Could you have done better? Sure. Could you have done worse? Absolutely! So use that as a benchmark for future convo and do better on those.
Vague comment from me? Yes. Point is it was your experience and for you to decide what could have been better. Make sense?
Regarding how you used to feel that you would get back with your W if you both acknowledged your contribution for where you are at and both worked towards making things better, there are a couple things to remember.
The LBS may never have the WAS admit and acknowledge their contribution to the sitch. Not good or bad, right or wrong. Just the way it could be.
While it would be nice, even considered to be a perfect condition, the LBS wanting or expecting admission from the WAS is a black / white condition. A possible deal breaker. And it is self serving.
We discuss how validating our S feelings (not their actions) is positive and appropriate. In being here and the reason and purpose for DBing is for us, that we are doing the work, does not mean that our S is doing the work or will ever do the work.
Your feelings of not being sure you want your W back could be because your W is not validating your feelings. You do not see her doing the work and you've placed a condition of her doing the work as a reason to consider getting back with her.
Or... it could be a condition of further detachment.
Only you know the answer to that.
I neither want my W back, nor do I want a D. If my W came to me today, a month from now, or a year from now, after we are D, I would consider if she is someone I would want to be with. Not because of the past. Not because of what had or had not been done, said, etc.
I would get back with my W for the same reason I married her in the first place. It would be because I love her and want to make a future with her. What I would know for certain, the only thing I would know for certain, is that I had owned my past short comings, not just in my prior M, but in prior life choices and Rs and that I have learned, grown and become a better man because of it.
Easy to say, proof will be how I act or rather how I AM in the future with any R.
You are not MAD, IMO! It is natural to feel bad about not being attracted to your W atm. Again a situation of neither good or bad, right or wrong. Just how you feel.
Do you feel bad because you are not attracted to that gorgeous model walking down the street? Do you feel bad because you are not attracted to that amazing humanitarian who goes out and helps all the needy children in the world?
Love is a choice. Right now, your choice is not to be attracted to your W. Figure out why you feel "bad" about it and "fix" it...
It is natural to feel bad about not being attracted to your W atm. Again a situation of neither good or bad, right or wrong. Just how you feel.
