25 - You make some very valid points. I don't think I made one thing clear. I was told my a trusted mutual friend that STBX had already told both kids. But...the last time we spoke she said she never told anyone. So, I figured they knew about it and I wanted them to know I was sorry. But...since STBX lied to me about telling them, how could I deal with the issue between myself and them without calling their Mother a liar?
Also, please note that she made up a story like that years before it happened and told lots of people about it at work - where both my kids now work with STBX and OM/Boss. When I discussed it with the kids, D19 said "Mom wouldn't tell me exactly, but I guessed it and she didn't say "no". And that trusted mutual friend told me STBX directly told S17 the day that he and I got into the big argument that led to the truth about STBX and OM being openly together.
Our whole world is filled with so much distrust and lies that it's impossible to know what is the right thing to do. STBX will NEVER be honest with me - even with something as important as what the kids know about that horrible night.
You said I blew an opportunity to validate her feelings, I agree, but I am just not there anymore. I realize just how poisonous our relationship has become and how much anger and resentment I have for her 9 year affair. It is best for all of us to just end this. It is a shame considering what we once had, but we have nothing like that at all anymore. Just hurt and anger.
