I'm not new to these forums. I was here about 4 years ago, maybe longer (under a different username). I've read the book and have a lot of the materials. I'll be starting it again.
DB'ing has done me well.
The bomb for me was actually 7 years ago. I fumbled around for a long time before finding DB. Had a horrendous counseling experience. The therapist was going through divorce herself and was convinced it was the only way. My wife agrees totally how damaging it was.
Anyway we both made incredible changes over the last several years. We are both different people. Far better, far more positive.
In Dec '09 she put her ring back on and apologized. Said we had much more to do but felt it was right to wear her wedding ring. It stayed on up until 6 months ago or so.
As with many in this economy we've had a rough time. We've worked all our waking hours to keep our business alive. It has been draining and seemingly with no end. But we have accomplished a lot. But that doesn't make it less difficult.
She started sleeping on the couch at the beginning of the year. Many excuses for doing so. Poison oak, sick etc. But finally it came to a discussion.
She said everything was perfect except a tiny feeling of something being wrong. We're best friends. She thinks I'm great, yada yada. But she has always talked about not being ready for marriage (We married 13 years ago at 30). Said she's always had a feeling. Just something in the back of her head that something was wrong and she couldn't put her finger on it. She doesn't know anymore than that.
So we discussed separating on the spot and she moved out that night. I was cool about it. Didn't make any of the big mistakes.
I asked "If you could wave a magic wand and make it right would you?"
She said of course she would. Everything else was right and it sure would be easier since we are already married.
She's staying at a friends. We work together and if we have any time we spend it together. she just goes to her friends to sleep. She kisses me when she sees me in the morning and several times during the day.
Yeah doesn't sound typical I'm thinking. We do love each other and she has even said it a few times in discussion lately.
We have not had sex in nearly 7 years. It's been extremely difficult since we both had strong drives before we married. But the sex quickly dwindled immediately after marriage.
A couple of things to think about.
She seems to have a problem with marriage itself. I know she likes being married to me but the concept itself. A percieved control thing maybe.
I wanted kids, she didn't. When we married we agreed to give it 5 years and see what we thought then. Just before the bomb she asked me if I would be ok with adopting. I said I wanted my own and the bomb came a few weeks later.
When we were dating in our 20's we had an on again off again relationship. She always seemed to enjoy coming around and stealing me away from another girl. Maybe coincidence but I don't think so. Every time we got back together I was seeing someone else and she was able to slip in and steal me away.
She even said something once 20 years ago that has always stuck with me. She said I'd end up marrying some nice girl and she's be my mistress. She was drunk when she said it but I think there may be something to it. She doesn't exhibit anything that would make me think she acts on any of that or even know it exists but I wonder about it lately.
I db'd pretty well last week but I haven't done as well this week so far. Other things going on have made it tough. But I'll try better tomorrow.
So is my situation puzzling? It is to me. Hence my username.
