@Starsky - The difference about what is happening with my children and the choices they are making probably has to do with their ages. My kids are 18, 16 & 14 (and my youngest is about to turn 15). Your children are much younger and I would have to agree that you have to step in if there is a dangerous situation that could occur.
I have tried to lead by example (not always have I been successful) since this has happened so I am hoping that what my kids have learned that they will return to doing what is right.
Proverbs 22:6 - "Train up a child in the way he (they) should go, Even when he (they) is old he (they) will not depart from it."
I expect that the kids will return to Him because I am fairly certain they already belong to Him. If they do, He will stop at nothing to round up the lost sheep.
I cannot force them anymore. I can love them and make my choices as to who I follow; the Lord or the world. We cannot serve two masters (more scripture, I know), or we will love one and hate the other. I never preach at my children. I have made that mistake years ago, not realizing it and I can tell you that no one likes to be preached at (including me).
As far as protecting my children, they are spiritually in danger but I trust that God will help lead them back to where He wants them. My kids are older and they are dealing with all of the things that older kids are being faced with such as driving, drinking, dating, potential substance abuse and so many other pitfalls. When your kids get older, you will realize that you have to trust God, and not them, that they will survive their teenage years. They know that I do not agree with much of what happens these days. I have instructed them on respecting themselves and others and to make decisions according to the long-term.
So, when you are saying that my children are not receiving a good example from either my wife or myself, do you mean that I need to date so they can see how a person is supposed to treat the opposite sex? Or are you implying that I am a doormat for my wife? I will need more information before I respond.
In the event it has to do with how I interact with my wife, in front of the kids, the little interaction there is, I show respect. I do not react to every situation, innuendo, sly remark, etc. I have a tendency to make light of awkward situations to de-fuse an otherwise potential conflict. My kids, for now, won’t understand or probably agree with how I handle situations but I do believe that time will be my friend. I don’t want my kids resorting to responding to every conflict ready to pounce and make sure they get even. I hope that my kids see a father that never stopped loving their mother and continued to show her respect. And I hope that is what they do with their spouse when they get married. I’ve noticed that when I have listened to God, I have an amazing peace. When I don’t, I feel conflicted and frustrated. I really like your last question “Am I missing something? If there are no visible signs that your situation with your wife is changing, and your kids are not doing well with the setup, how can this be "God's will" for your life? Aren't we supposed to judge ourselves and others by the fruit that we bear?”
I don’t know if you are missing anything. How can we say what is God’s will. I have read a lot about scripture on relationships and have learned an amazing amount of facts that are contrary to conventional thought. To most of the world, standing for your marriage is insane. Anyone that goes to Michele would be considered crazy. Instead, we are supposed to immediately start fishing for that replacement girlfriend or boyfriend, planning on our next marriage. If our spouse didn’t want us then we move on. I am going to ask for your forgiveness ahead of time. I do not doubt you are a Christian nor would I but what I am about to say may make you think that I am saying you can’t be a Christian. Again, I am not saying that and I don’t believe that. God’s will for our life isn’t fulfilled until we replace our will for our life with His will. We often hear that God must want us to be happy and that if we want something, pray to God for it and He will make it happen. First off, we can easily confuse what we want as what will make us happy but it may not be God’s will. God doesn’t want any marriage to end in divorce. His words are the opposite. He said that “no man (person) is to separate what He has joined”. What happens, often, is that some cute girl (or cute guy for the ladies out there) start paying attention to us and when we talk to that person, they make us feel “loved” again. And then adding to the attention, we find out that the other person is a believer. We then rationalize that this must be God’s will, otherwise, why would that person be there. Could it be God’s will? Possibly but it could also be father of lies, looking to steal and destroy what God intends to repair. An important comment that you made was that there are no visible signs that my wife is changing and that my kids are not doing well. I don’t disagree but I cannot see what is in her heart. I have no idea what is going on in her life. Michele teaches that we cannot know what is happening in our spouse and to avoid reacting to what they are doing, especially those in the throes of a MLC. And the bible has numerous examples of people that appeared to flee from Him only to run toward Him. I am certain people that knew of Hosea’s situation with Gomer, thought he was “insane in the brain” to not only wait on his wife but to raise children that were the offspring of his wife and her lovers. How incredibly insane was it for Jacob to work for his uncle for 14 years to gain the hand of Rachel? How crazy was it for Abraham to listen to God to prepare to sacrifice his son? While I am no bible hero, I know that God has given these men (and women) as examples to trust in Him. I have no idea how this will all turn out but I know that my kids need me to focus on being a dad and turning the other cheek over and over again when my wife (and children) hurt me. To others, I may be a doormat (I certainly don’t think so) but I will be the doormat that my wife and kids come home to…someday.
