a few thoughts I have, and I could be wrong of course...
first, you are starting to focus on your pain and forgetting your part in how you got here.
I see a lot of that in the posts you get about "setting boundaries" as if you are in a position to push for that now.
And as if she doesn't have the right to the same. As usual, these folks focus almost exclusively on "the affair"
which, excuse me, she does NOT see as being nearly as "wrong" as you and they do.
25,
I'm not seeing where anyone on Denver's thread has "focused almost exclusively on the affair," and not sure who you even directed that to. I only brought it up because DENVER said that a continued relationship with OM during this "space" period was a dealbreaker for him, and everyone was dancing around (and apologizing for) even THINKING about a transparency plan, and I pointed out that it's a perfectly reasonable request at this stage of the game, considering all that's happened.
If Denver said that continued contact were anything short of a dealbreaker, I wouldn't even bring it up.
I do agree with you, however, that until his wife comes to HIM and says "I really do want to work on the marriage; let's discuss what it's going to take," then NEITHER ONE of them are in a position to try to enforce boundaries upon the other. The ONLY boundary I've been advocating is "no dating other people while we're in this trying-to-decide-what-to-do-about-our-marriage" period, since Denver has consistently said that is extremely important to him ... a dealbreaker, in fact.
