74 Days - Who Knows?

[25yearsmlc]

Denver,

a few thoughts I have, and I could be wrong of course...

first, you are starting to focus on your pain and forgetting your part in how you got here.

I see a lot of that in the posts you get about "setting boundaries" as if you are in a position to push for that now.

And as if she doesn't have the right to the same. As usual, these folks focus almost exclusively on "the affair"

which, excuse me, she does NOT see as being nearly as "wrong" as you and they do.

And from where I sit, she has a point.

and BEFORE I GET SLAMMED FOR "SUPPORTING ADULTERY",

save it, spare me, and drop it. I am not interested in debating that. I am speaking for her point of view and she's not insane to have it.


Second, if you are discovering that you cannot forgive this or let it go, I'd suggest you get a DB coach and see if they or a counselor can help you with this.

If it's not something you can achieve, then spare her and yourself further pain and just go ahead and divorce.

But own this.


Finally, as for the anniversary, I am conflicted.

A part of me thinks a text saying something like "just so you know, I didn't forget, so Happy Anniversary"

or just something that shows

that [i]while you do recall it and you do care about it


you also are respecting her wish to have space for this month.
[/i]
Are you planning on calling her at 12:01 am July 1? (Hope not).


Maybe you can let her initiate the end of the "space period" & renewal of contact time,

unless you already arranged something.

Denver, I never said this was easy. But it IS simple. And you are inflicting pain on yourself and hurting your cause, but at some point you will

have to get sick & tired of feeling so sick & tired.

At that point, you will, we hope, choose to let go of that which you cannot control.

My main point here is that

I hope you won't sabotage things so that you can know forever that

if things don't pan out and you do not reconcile, it won't be b/c of your fears and failure to contain them.

In a way, isn't that part of why you mistreated her in the first place?

Fearing loss of control? How are you working on repairing this trait?

((( )))