4 months........

[~¤DG¤~]

I am keeping my changes going for me, and I will no matter what.

I just don't know how he can see them if we don't talk or see one another.
I've been tempted to reach out to him a few times, but decided against it.
I need to prove to myself that I can (and will) go on without him.

NC was extremely hard at first, but it has gotten easier.

[~¤DG¤~]

Journaling---

This no contact is really getting to me. How long am I supposed to hang on for?
If his last text said he doesn't have anything more to say, should I just assume it's over??

[Telemark]

"You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for.
You have made some great strides, and when you come out the other side, you will be a better man for having gone through it.

Keep your chin up."

You sent this to me yesterday, DG. I'm bouncing it back to you (change "better man" to "better woman", of course...)

I don't know - yet - what it is like to be physically separated from your spouse, but I am sure it comes with its own world of hurting, and I admire you, and everyone else here, who is dealing with that situation. If I have learned anything here, it is to assume nothing regarding our spouses' behaviors. Your H is in a whirlwind of confusion; he doesn't have a clue in his clue box as to what he wants or who he is, and the only thing consistent about his words and actions will be their inconsistency.

Try to think "beyond" your H. Picture yourself as the person you want to be: strong, resilient and independent. See your good friends around you, loving you just because you are you. Imagine the things you want to do, places you want to go, improvements you want to make to yourself I have made a deliberate decision to keep my mind focused on the "me" without my W. It ain't easy...but it is, IMHO, the only way you and I and anyone else here will get through this with our sanity and self-esteem intact.

Let's agree to let our spouses stew in their own juices, and not let their misery keep us from moving forward.

[~¤DG¤~]

Telemark-you always seem to know what to say to cheer me up, and I appreciate that, my friend.

While I was out walking with a friend last night, I was telling her that the first half of 2011 has really sucked for me, but I am hopeful that the 2nd half will be better. It has to be. In ways, I feel like it is turning around a bit for me. The changes that have been made on my behalf have been great, and I am so proud of how far I've come.

My best friend keeps telling me that I need to let go, file for divorce, and move on. I can't explain it, but I just can't do that right now.
When/if I file for D it will be because I no longer want to continue in the M, and not because the uncertainty is sometimes (well a lot of the time) too much to bear.

[LearningPatience]

DG,
I've had so many people tell me to D my W. One friend suggests I use a bulldog L he knows. I politely told him 'no thank you.'

Unless they've been through it, most people don't get why we are fighting for our M and not giving up. I think it's a sign of strength and commitment doing what we do. No matter the outcome, in the end we'll be able to hold our heads up high!

[jbnati]

Yes, the 'ol helpful friends and family from DR. I have been striving to and have been fortunate enough to surround myself with people who are drinking the DB Kool-Aid so to speak. It's hard when your best friend isn't buying in to what you're doing, though, and tells you that you should just D and move on.

Bottom line is you have to be able to look yourself in the mirror if this doesn't work out and be able to tell yourself you tried everything possible to save your M. You have to be able to look your boys in the eye and tell them the same thing. You also are going to be able to see how much you've grown and improved as a person.

[Telemark]

My pleasure, DG. We're all here for ourselves and each other.

I, too, have had several close friends (of both my W and me) tell me I should kick her to the curb, file and move on. And believe me, lately I've been tempted, especially with her EA continuing to ramp up while she says, "No, we're just friends".

But I'm not there, and I don't think you are, either. We are learning what unconditional love is, because for us to still love our spouses while they tear our hearts out is as unconditional as I think anyone can be.

Our spouses are lost, confused, scared, guilt-ridden and searching for something they cannot even identify. Their misery has come from within, not from without. Yes, we probably did and said terrible things to our spouses during our M's; I know I did. But for the most part they also gave as good as they got, and they chose the easy fix; at least that is how it appears to them.

If the worst happens, at least we will be stronger and know that we did everything we could do to keep our M's alive.

[any chance?]

Had a doctor's appt yesterday - routine stuff. I like this doctor, and told him about my situation. His words of wisdom makes sense for me, DG, tele, jb and many others on this site:

"If you love her, just keep on loving her"

About all we can do, near as I can tell.

[Telemark]

That's truth, AC.

Just wish our spouses would quit making it so hard to love them...

[aeolianchaos]

Imagine the things you want to do, places you want to go, improvements you want to make to yourself I have made a deliberate decision to keep my mind focused on the "me" without my W. It ain't easy...but it is, IMHO, the only way you and I and anyone else here will get through this with our sanity and self-esteem intact.

Let's agree to let our spouses stew in their own juices, and not let their misery keep us from moving forward.

This is a beautiful statement.