Gman,

Don't know your situation, but what you said stings, cause I struggle with the same thing.

In a nutshell, my perspective is forgiveness is largely to set you free and not have your life shaped by this calamity. It [censored] the poison out.

If she's sorry, and had asked for your forgiveness, then it will be easier than if she's not. Forgiveness becomes a chared burden.

If she's not sorry, then forgivness is a solo enterprise. It probably means that the relationship can't be healed.

Peace,

Theoden