Had an interesting conversation with the W last night before bed, we started talking about our IC sessions and she mentioned that she doesn’t think that I have any major issues that I have to deal with . W thinks that the major problem I have in my life is her and that if she were out of my life I would be in a better place. I’m not sure if she is just saying that to justify her decision but it seemed genuine. I know I’m not supposed to believe much of what she says and I should take it with a grain of salt. I told her that she is by no means an “issue” for me to deal with, I told her that I do have some issues with allowing people in “too close” I have always seen myself as the black sheep of the family in a sense. I spent plenty of time and energy keeping my distance from most of my immediate family, I never really put much thought into why but going through IC has opened my eyes to some of the fears I’ve been living with, or better put ignoring. I told her that I do understand that she has some stuff to work through and by no means do I see her as my problem to fix. I told her that I am focusing on taking care of the things that I I need to work on; I also told her that I have seen progress in her when it comes to her interactions with the kids.
I’m trying not to read too much into this, but, it’s difficult. I know that a lot of the comments I made and the actions I took while I was so devastated about the A have helped lead her to this conclusion. I just hope and pray that the actions that I am taking now will show her that that is not the case, I truly see her as a blessing in my life not a problem, my immature, emotional outburst did so much damage. I hope and pray that it could eventually be repaired.
M 38 W 32 T 11 M 2 SS 14 S 9 ILYBNILWY March/2010 EA found out Oct 2010 PA found out Jan 2011 living together alone
