2. Assume they are NOT telling the truth, and plan accordingly, until they offer to promise no-contact and full transparency;
Denver, I have been following along from afar....
So glad Starsky made this point....
Your W is taking the month of June to make a decision.
She has not committed to anything yet, all she has done is told you that she is not going to see OM........for now.
Until she COMMITS to the Marriage again, trying to verify anything is pointless, looking at her actions, where she going, who she is with, what she is saying is just setting you up for a fall, and is going to make you crazy.
I know you are supposed to re-establish the friendship first, however I would personally want a commitment first. You are spending alot of time "in contact" with her and she is "UNDECIDED" on you guys......
What if she decides she is done.....are you going to continue to do things with her???
You are really available to her while she is un-committed to the M. Why would she commit?? She has all of the benefits of being in a relationship with you with none of the responsibilities.
If she does decide to work on the marriage it is going to be very difficult for you to maintain the "New and Improved Denver" and also properly lay down the boundaries you want.
Trying to go back and introduce or strengthen a boundary after reconciliation has begun is very hard and can really erase many of the positive steps you have made.
IMO, being less available would be better. She is on a trip away from you, not knowing what you are doing and who you are doing it with.........
Right now, she is on a trip and she knows exactly what you are doing........worrying about what she is doing.
The reason this is hard for you is because you have been doing so much with her.....concerts, coffee, out to eat, you over at her place, planning vacations.....no wonder it is hard!!!!!
I remember all too well when I thought that my XW was starting to come around and I would do things with her........it totally tore me up everytime we parted company......not healthy for me.
You want to make this easier on you.........
Stop being around her and limit the contact.........
If she asks why.........tell her.
W, the reason I choose to not be around you or limit contact with you is because you are undecided about our M and it will be more painfull for me if I have contact with you and you choose to end our M.
Simple.
When she DECIDES that she wants to work on the Marriage, then you tell her what you need as far as a boundary.
Until that time she is living her life...........
and you should be living yours.........
Cheers
Denver, I completely agree with this. ^^^ MHL did a much better job if explaining what I've been trying to say.
