You should also remind yourself that not a word in that letter is NOT true. Your W has created this situation. It may hurt her to be reminded of that, but THAT part is NOT your fault.
Denver
That is very true.
Denver, I hope you are doing well. I’ve been following your sitch closely and wish you nothing but the best. I know that I have been able to utilize some of the great advice on your threads.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
LITB I have been keeping up with your thread, as with most of the others here.
Just wanted to say that I thought you handled the convo with the kids very well indeed. I to had to do the talk with the kids, where w said nothing also.
Sorry you r is where its at, keep fighting for what is right for you and your kids
Thanks GAL. I appreciate the kind words.
When things settle down for me, I will catch up with your sitch.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
You're obsessing way too much about the letter. What's done is done, and it's not going to make or break your situation -- legally or otherwise -- in my opinion.
I don't think it was all that bad, personally. I would have preferred you had left the superfluous stuff out, but I don't think it was all that bad, and it was all truthful.
I have to let it go Starsky. There isn't much else I can do about it. It has caused me enough stress to feel like someone beat me up.
A little Monday morning craziness....
Note: W and I were both born and raised in the same small town in NM.
My W calls me first thing this morning while I was getting ready for work.
W: It has already started, the rumors are already flying. Someone told my friend's mom that I am abandoning my kids. I haven't even told my family anything, so it is coming from your side. I know how your mom likes to gossip. Tell her to watch what she says.
M: My mom hasn't told my sisters. I don't know who is spreading rumors. I don't know what to tell you.
W: I know it isn't you. It has to be your mom.
M: I have already asked my mom not tell anyone anything. I have to go. I need to finish getting ready for work.
This is part of the reason I do not want to live in NM. I do not like dealing with this crazy drama.
My W(STBX) does not take responsibility for any of this mess. She looks to blame anyone, but herself. I know she has told her family, because she said this yesterday......
W: My step-mom and my half sister can't believe it.
M: Can't believe which part?
W: That you are fighting for the kids.
M: What a ridiculous idea, a father would fight for his kids.
End of that part of this discussion.
I talked to my mom again this morning to let her know what had taken place and to let her know that they are gunning for her.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
This is part of the reason I do not want to live in NM. I do not like dealing with this crazy drama.
I don't blame you one bit.
Originally Posted By: Left_in_the_Bay
My W calls me first thing this morning while I was getting ready for work.
W: It has already started, the rumors are already flying. Someone told my friend's mom that I am abandoning my kids. I haven't even told my family anything, so it is coming from your side. I know how your mom likes to gossip. Tell her to watch what she says.
M: My mom hasn't told my sisters. I don't know who is spreading rumors. I don't know what to tell you.
W: I know it isn't you. It has to be your mom.
M: I have already asked my mom not tell anyone anything. I have to go. I need to finish getting ready for work.
This is part of the reason I do not want to live in NM. I do not like dealing with this crazy drama.
My W(STBX) does not take responsibility for any of this mess. She looks to blame anyone, but herself. I know she has told her family, because she said this yesterday......
W: My step-mom and my half sister can't believe it.
M: Can't believe which part?
W: That you are fighting for the kids.
M: What a ridiculous idea, a father would fight for his kids.
This IS craziness. Unfortunately, it sounds like she's in for a rude awakening.
LITB - Blame-shift is a crappy human flaw, and so is the lack of grace. It constantly surprises me how universal WAS' behaviors are. Heck, not just spouses, but even between friends and family - the behavior just saddens me. Even the most loving and religious people become so unloving and disconnected, and they often rationalize their behavior to the fact that humans have limits. True, humans have limits, but I see that as an excuse, an excuse that (to me, at least) point back to the human condition/Fall of Man/universal introduction of sin/etc. It's the very same "excuse" Christ came to earth to eradicate, and is repeated over and over in his teachings. It's not just about love, patience, grace, humbleness, guys -- Christ wants us to mimic Him and be more like Him, rather than dwell on our human condition or flaws. So, saying we have reached our "limits" just allows the Devil to win a little bit more.
Hang tight, bro. I continue to pray for healing and God's intervention in the marriages/relationships of all of us here.
This is part of the reason I do not want to live in NM. I do not like dealing with this crazy drama.
I agree with you 100%. What was an ant-hill will become a mole-hill.
LITB, what you are doing. Your fighting for the kids is the right thing to do.
Right now your wife is trying to guilt you into giving up. I was in the same exact boat a month back. My wife went to extent of totally vilifying me about me being a good dad. And mind you this was just for her to give up on sole custody. That should give you an example of how far things can go. I pray and hope things are gonna be smoother for you.
Dam* our bloody egos that we are willing to fight this ugly knowing very well how destroyed the families are gonna be and affected the kids are gonna be.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
W: It has already started, the rumors are already flying. Someone told my friend's mom that I am abandoning my kids.
Um... she did abandon her kids... I realize that you two had talked about sending them to meet her... but bottom line is that she left the home where her kids live.
Originally Posted By: Left_in_the_Bay
W: My step-mom and my half sister can't believe it.
M: Can't believe which part?
W: That you are fighting for the kids.
WHAT?!
Do these people think that your kids belong to your W ???
I'd respond... "I can't believe that they would doubt for one second that I'd fight for MY kids."
That conversation p!ssed me off LB... sorry.
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
How are the kids holding out? Through the whole mess we remember the WAS feelings what they are saying what they are thinking who they are doing it with. We concentrate on you. Helping you cope with fear, sadness, blame, guilt who is doing these things for the kids?
I know you have done a great job at keeping them busy but when you are going at it solo with kids a lot of times people overlook the struggle that causes, specially to your emotions because you are limited as to when you can deal with your emotions. It's like you push everything aside for when the kids are not around.
Kids have a hard enough time without haveing to deal with all this craziness. What are you doing to handle their emotional needs?
About a month ago I got my D a journal. Told her it was just for her to write and release her emotions. Gotta say I think it was a great idea. She loves it.
What is your plan to make this a smooth as possible for them?
