I'm sitting on the shop veranda thinking and listening to the birds singing. I can see the shop cat stalking something in the long grass, tomatoes are going to start soon in the old clawfoot bathtub (makes a great pot!), and the wind chimes are singing.
I know today will either be slow and I will get a lot done, or it will be busy. Either way is good. It always works out by the end of the week.
I have made a decision. I am now a ghost to H, but I will be real for me. I have been neglecting my personal artistic endeavors at my own expense. I have been pouring all my energy into fixing us. But I can only fix half of us. I don't know if I have fixed me, but I feel that I have come to some realizations about myself.
I am no longer going to write on the forum. I am now going to write for me. I have a studio in the shop where I can spend time doing what I've always wanted to do - write my book. I no longer need his support, I have my own.
Writing on the forum was so therapeutic, and I feel so much better for getting everything off of my chest. I hope H will continue, and I hope that you all will help him, challenge him, and encourage him to DIG.
If he wants to use this time to truly figure himself out, that would be wonderful, but I'm not going make suggestions, ask how it's going or have/hope for expectations. I will not read it unless he asks me to. I am stepping back and letting him sink or swim. Maybe he can bring this ghost back to life, maybe it's no longer possible. I truly hope not.
Thanks everyone, I have a shop to open, a day to enjoy, and then a chapter to start.
