my heart is breaking

[25yearsmlc]

Saturday I got up, felt good and went about my day...

But then, the phone rang. It was H saying he was on his way over with the financial papers for the divorce. He couldn't stay long because he needed to get to his nephew's reception. Dang! I seriously felt so let down.


So here HE is changing the way YOUR whole day went...way too much power to give someone else...and that's just one example



Besides that, he said "You know, you don't really need to sit with my mom if you don't want to. I mean, with the rest of us at the party and everything. I'm trying to be sensitive" and of course my emotions took over. I said "You know I would love to be at the party" and he said "Then why aren't you going?" and I said "I don't feel wanted. If the circumstances were different, I'd be there. But it would be awkward"

This reads as "please beg me to come b/c I am a needy teenager needing reassurance"...AND who likes to guilt her h.



and he said "Of course you're wanted. (nephew) would love for you to be there." And I just said "No, S and I are going to see your mom. Have fun and tell everyone hi" I got off the phone and cried.

This is the martyr act you do with him. You wanted to guilt him AND feel like a victim too. NOT attractive and NOT working...

Later I texted him and said I was sorry for getting a little emotional on the phone. I said "I am better now" Anyway, I was in the shower when he came by, so I didn't see him. I was really hurt that he didn't at least come in the bathroom and say hi.

Again with the victimhood and self inflicted injuries b/c you have expectations. That is something NOT helping you or your sitch...Have NO expectations.

So S and I went to be with his mom at the hospital. I am actually really glad we did.
So later, H called me from the party. He seemed to want some reassurance. Some of the family accused him of being insensitive because he keeps saying he thinks his mom is dying.

Did HE tell you this?


He also gave some of the grandkids some things from her house that they had been promised. His sister got upset because she thought he was acting prematurely, since no one knows if she will be able to go back and live in the house yet. I actually agree.

This is appalling.



I have felt like my H has been in a hurry to "get rid" of his mom, like he is doing with me.

I don't see this as being about you. IDK.

Anyone who stands in his way of his career and "ministry" he just wants gone.

What "ministry"?

I'm not saying he wants her to die, but she is cramping his style so he wants her gone. In a nursing home, or whatever.

Regardless of his giving away property that is not his to give away, how do you KNOW any of this^^^??


He really has gotten cold and unemotional.

Hope you don't share these objective helpful observations with him b/c they might sound a tad judgemental.


Our financial papers are due Tuesday. Gosh I wish he would put the D on hold or better yet, cancel it. The kids still haven't heard from him on what his answer will be.

You know the answer for now is to go forward with his plan. Assume it is. Let him go and find his way...(read the many many posts I and others have sent to you). Are we all wrong? We all seem to be giving you almost identical advice...

They are leaving him alone in hopes that he will come to them with a positive answer. But I just don't think that will happen. But still, I pray. I am trying to look at the possibility that anything I do right now could be a test. To help him decide.

Yet you still behave in ways that are NOT helpful to your cause. WHY??

How on earth can he feel marriage to you now, would be any different or better than before

when you repeat the mistakes and still try to control the results??

Geez, If I truly thought my m was being tested

and that my behavior was being monitored

and that my choices might really make a difference,

I sure would Stop doing what I know does NOT work...




So that was yet another weekend. I just hate weekends.

You need some GAL things for weekends, obviously.

I don't mean to be harsh with you but I feel it's tough love time

b/c you are so stuck and a lot of this is


self inflicted

and NOT working....

You are stronger than you realize, so give yourself a chance.

Try NEW behaviors.

Yes they are uncomfortable at first

true, they don't feel "right" at first


but how does rejection feel? Um not so comfortable either.

At some point you will just have to become so sick and tired

of feeling sick and tired


that you will DO ANYTHING to get out of your pain,


and that is when you'll be ready to change.



I think til then, not much anyone can say that matters I fear.