my heart is breaking

[kermitdfrog]

Yes, 25, I did read it. What were the 37 rules you mentioned? Also, as far as repeating myself, I am far different in these posts than I am with him. I often use this to vent so that I don't do it with him. I almost never contact him (only do with a banking or household business question, and even then I text, I don't call) I really have tried to GAL. When I speak to him, I try to sound very strong and happy. My problem is as soon as he says something that tugs at my emotions, I turn to mush and before I know it I say something I regret. It really hasn't been frequent, though, and there has been nothing really major for a long time. I NEVER bring up our R. I almost wish he would, because my DB coach said that would be a chance for me to prove that I've changed. She says Pain=opportunity. Before he filed, whenever he would talk about his feelings I would get upset, and he would say "You know, in order for me to feel connected to you and safe, I have to be able to tell you my feelings without you getting upset or judging me" So I know that's one of my biggest issues and one of my biggest regrets. If I had made him feel safe back then, he may not have left. I just can't seem to be able to stop the overwhelming sadness when he says anything that makes our "separateness" real.