No, I am not going to Al anon consistently. I do attend another addiction class for the family and friends of addicts.
I am embarrased. I believe I have reason to be. I am going to let myself feel this emotion but I have moved past that feeling.
I don't believe he has ever said he is ashamed. I believe I used that because 25 said he is ashamed. Thats is why he doesn't come around. Which I am guessing he is and she is right. Maybe I am wrong or misunderstood. I have questioned why he wouldn't want to at least see his kids.
I am all over the place. Many times I did say I was venting. But, am I not allowed to have these feelings for a time? I am not being snotty either. Since the start of all this chaos, my C was always telling me there will be a time to tell him how you feel just not now. Well its been 9 months and at some point it have to release it don't I? He has heard a little from me but I have refrained because yes I do realize it is NOT going to get me further to my goal and he isn't responsible for how I feel.
I do appreciate any feedback here. I do read and re read the posts. It has calmed me down many times.
To be honest, I just have wanted some reassurance. Which I have received. That I will be okay. Me and my kids will be okay.
I have spent time trying to understand this. Too much now I see. But, isn't some of that trying to see my part in all of this. Just wanting somewhere to bounce ideas off of.
Today is day 6 of NC. I am taking 25's advice and not pursuing.
My GAl is golf and exercising right now. WHich I am doing consistenly.
I believe the first week or so after finding out about OW I was numb. Now I feel anger and am working through that.
