I just went back and reread your threads. I wanted to see exactly where you have been, where you are, and what others have said to you...
In your other thread you stated that YOU are embarrassed that all of this has come out...
You mentioned that he has regret and guilt and didn't want to face himself but no where did you report that he said HE was actually ashamed...
Regardless, when we feel a certain way about a situation, it is easy for us to look at someone else's behavior and attribute our feelings to them...that is projection...
You are all over the place...
Are you going to Alanon CONSISTENTLY, or not?
In one post you say you are going, in the next, you say you may, and in another, you say it is too hard because of little kids (who aren't too little for you to go to a meeting that is going to help YOU and inadvertantly them).
You need to stop obsessing about what your H is doing or not doing, about how long this is or isn't going to last, or any of the other stuff you keep going back to.
You need to take some responsibility for your actions, your thoughts and your feelings...
25 is correct. At this rate, you will NOT reconcile your M.
Reread the posts. Reread DB and DR, read Co-dependant No More.
And then read them again. Iternalize them.
What is in those books, what Alanon offers, what is in what people have posted to you, you will find what you need to get through this.
Only you can pull yourself out of this rut that YOU are digging for yourself. You may have landed there primarily because of your H's choices...you REMAIN in this pit, because of YOUR choices...
Choose differently...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
