The big punch - Redux

[Redo]

JS, yup codependency had been a very big problem for me in my marriage. I find it very weird right now to be living by myself and making decisions by myself. I know it is good for me in the long run.

Journaling...

So i get a traffic ticket yesterday in the mail. The one you get from those automated traffic cameras. It was my wife's car. Since the car she is driving is registered under my name and still has our home address, i got the bill.

So i actually called her, told her about the ticket and told her that i'll be scanning in the ticket for her to take care of it. I felt bad that i was making her pay. But it was her ticket and i think she needs to know that now there are gonna be stuff that she needs to take care herself.

It is weird, but i have this unwavering feeling of having to protect her all the time. I think half the time i get down about our current situation is because i feel bad for her. But i think it could be my own issues that cause me to think this way. The big kicker is that she used to say that she felt the same way about me too. Just recently she said that i was like a drug to her and she needed to get rid of the feeling to constantly come back to me. Perhaps she was talking about her feeling to protect me all the time.

Man i am getting headache analyzing all this

[Still learning]

This codependency thing creates all sorts of problems.....

[Redo]

Journalling

It has been little of last week and this week talking to my daughter. Wife started her new job last week. So she is not around daughter during talking time. Her grandparents try to get her to talk, but sometimes she is just cranky. I guess it is also because of her new school schedule where now she stays till 3 instead of coming home at 12.

I am lil frustrated that i cannot talk to my daughter. I guess lil upset too with wife that i am missing out on important times with my kid. She will know her grandfather better than she would know her own dad!

But i guess the only think i can do is push on accepting the current situation and be patient.

[LITB]

It has been little of last week and this week talking to my daughter. Wife started her new job last week. So she is not around daughter during talking time. Her grandparents try to get her to talk, but sometimes she is just cranky. I guess it is also because of her new school schedule where now she stays till 3 instead of coming home at 12.

I think you should speak to your W about changing the time you call, because the current arrangements are not working. Your D has to be more accessible to you IMO. Things change, there has to be room for adjustments.

[alamo76]

Journalling
But i guess the only think i can do is push on accepting the current situation and be patient.

MK, when there's a young child like yours, especially in her crucial developmental years, acceptance of the current situation and being patient just doesn't cut it, bro; you're unwittingly taking yourself even more out of your daughter's growing-up experience. What you said can be applied when adults are dealing adult issues, not for crucial parent-child bonding. If you want to have the best possible impression and life-training for your daughter (I know you do), then you need a different game plan. As LITB said, try arranging with your wife a new time to talk, at least.

[Redo]

LITB, Alamo, Thanks for your suggestions. Yup, when it comes to kids i agree i need to deal with it differently.

Talked to wife. She said she needed some time to figure out daughter's schedule. Then i guess we can fix up a better time.

You know, when families get disintegrated like this, there is so much complication...

Thanks for your feedback guys!

[ninelives]

My heart goes out to you Karma. Cant imagine how to get through all this shite without my kids. I echo what the others said, you must stay in her life especially since she is so young. They do move on quickly at the best of times and if you aren't around, out of sight out of mind I fret.

I think that you should devise a schedule based on the knowedge you have. If you wait for your wife, it may never come and then you will have missed further time with your daughter.

Stay strong dude.

9

[Redo]

Thanks 9. Yup, nowadays I am making sure that I am never out of her picture.

Journaling....

started reading the '5 love languages' book couple of days back. I wish i read this book before the sh*t hit the ceiling.

I think anyone wanting a good married life gotta read this book. It sort of gives you an 'operator manual' on marriage.

I can see so many areas where i could have done better. My wife always said i never made her want to be a better person. At that time it was greek to me. But now i see it.

Reading the book did bring me down as i pondered on 'what could have been'. But i changed my thinking then to what i could be by using the wisdom of this book.

[Redo]

Journaling...

Was supposed to talk to daughter yesterday. But wife said that they would be busy(i guess a party). But she said she would try or text me otherwise. As has happened lately no call came in nor a text.

I call up this morning and wanted to talk with my daughter. So i told my wife

"Wife i thought you said you'd text me if you could not call. Can you just text me or call me if daughter cannot talk?"

W : "Okay i said i am sorry. I thought you'd understand. But if you understood me, we would not be divorcing"

M : "All i asked you was to let me know if daughter is not able to talk. I did wait up last evening waiting on the call"

W : "This is how you were in our marriage. Look do you want to talk to daughter or not.."

Then she hung up. I called again. Talked to daughter.

But i think i got pulled in...I tried to make myself clear that i was just having a ration convo with her and that she is taking it badly. Then she starts crying saying that her life was becoming miserable. Then daughter sees her mom cry and tries to console her (we were skyping so we were on video call). Then she gets even more upset saying that i am causing all this. Then i think her parents were trying to figure out as to what happened.

This is just so crazy. I thought i was asking for something reasonable. But even that was too much for her.

I am supposed to sync up with her for a long time regarding my daughter's visits until my daughter is old enough. Not sure how its gonna be with her having such a bad reaction.

Just wanted to vent out. I really hate the situation i am in right now.

[Timetotry]

Wow K.

I am sorry she is using your D against you like that.

I'd continue trying to talk to your H no matter what. W anger has to decrease over time.