I went for a walk after I posted earlier today. I wound up talking to a neighbor for quite a while. We aren't even very close. But when he asked me how things are going, I just couldn't stop. He is a very religious man and really listened and provided guidance.
He says the same thing the two friends I told about the horrible incident say. All of them think I should write STBX a letter letting her know the level of remorse and guilt I feel for that night and for never being supportive of her during her illnesses or protecting her from my family. I see things so differently now that I ever have. I realize the pain she was in and how even after she moved out she was actually working on our marriage. The first time she invited me to the safety of her apartment took more love, courage and faith then everything I have come combined.
I have been thinking about something STBX said the other day during our more than 2 hour talk. She said "I never left you". Is there even a hint of hope in those words?
I would appreciate some feedback on the letter. Admittedly, it is also my one last hope of having her reconsider. I hope I have not lost the support of other posters after my admission yesterday, but I can understand if people no longer feel I deserve help.
