So we discussed H moving again this morning. He brought it up. The first thing that I thought was that if I was him, and I did NOT want to move, that I would not bring that up. So I thought that part of him wants to move.
He said that he does not want to move, so I asked him what he's going to do if he stays. He said avoid getting mad. I asked him how he's going to do that. He said he didn't know. I asked him how that worked for him before. He said it didn't. I asked him why this time would be different. He didn't know but he hoped it would. I asked him if he knew why he got mad and he said he didn't. I asked him how he was going to stop if he didn't know WHY. And he said I don't know, I'll take a chance. I told him that if that was what his plan was, then he was taking a chance with my mental health.
Based on his lack of motivation to dig deeper, stop doing what isn't working (hoping for the best - winging it), and lack of regard for what this does to me when winging it doesn't work, I DO think that moving into the apt might be the best option for now.
I hate to expand our situation. If H moves, our son would know (his girlfriend lives in the upstairs apt). He is working in another province for the summer. I hate to add to HIS stress! The kid is going full tilt and has been since starting univ. He never stops studying during the sch year, he works in remote locations all summer in a tough environment to pay for school. this would affect him so badly.
We live in a small city where everyone knows everyone. My business is gaining a modest profile, so I would be hearing about it from other people within days. I would be hearing about it all day. I don't know if I could keep up my happy-shop-persona in the face of that!
If we could take this option without anyone knowing about it, I think it would actually help us to reveal what we actually have. I just don't know if I can take doing this to our son.
I know that there may not be a choice if H doesn't go further than "not wanting to get mad again". But he just doesn't seem to know what to do, and seems willing to keep doing what hasn't worked for him before.
