Well....I told them before I read anyone's responses. They already knew - pretty much. D19 said she knew something had happened and quite a while ago asked STBX. She wouldn't tell D19, but she guessed and STBX didn't say no. We talked about how that made D19 feel about me and the bottom line is - it's good for it to be out in the open. It's almost like she was carrying my secret.
S17 said "I think I kinda new that already". He is very closed off and tough to read. But, I think it's good for him and D19 to know how truly sorry I am for it and that I am not an animal.
I will focus on forgiving myself for that awful thing at my next IC session. I will also be able to work on that on my own, now that I have admitted it. One of the friends I told asked me if I am sure that our marriage was strong enough to last forever if I hadn't done it. I can't say 100% yes. That gives me some relief.
We talked about the relationship between the 3 of us and if S17 is willing to still live with D19 and I. He basically said he has no choice really, because he would love to live with his Mom, but not with her and OM/Boss. Then he let it slip that they are planning on buying a house together. I kinda expected that since she wants me to buy her out of the house so much. I also simply knew it was the next step in their relationship. So...that hurts somewhat, but like everything else, I will get over it.
There is almost nothing left for me to have to accept. It's now down to signing the documents and knowing that they are actually living together and working together and basically spending every moment together.
I still want STBX to know how much regret I feel for that horrible night and for not being the husband I should have been when she was sick with arthritis, lupus, brain tumor, on set of cervical cancer. So...one day I will write her a letter and give it to her. It will be cathartic for me, but also, hopefully maker her understand that I really did care and am truly sorry.
