Words get in the way

[angel61]

Finally found some time to update.

Its been almost 2 weeks now since i got back from my trip, and a lot has happened. But one thing I have learned though is that if you step back and look at the whole situation, things could balance each other out in the end. If you get a setback, just don't make it worse, and think of how things could be, say, a month from that day. And it helps get things back on track.

So H did go to see OW when I was away, and left D with a trusted friend. He told me on the phone that he was going to see her, and also told me that he was NOT going to do anything that would be (a word in our language that is hard to explain, but means something like a combination of disrespect and disgust) to me. In other words, my interpretation of that is he is steering his relationship with OW into a friendship, and that is how I should see it. (As background info: in the past, he admitted to me that he had a friend who he felt attracted to before, but he succesfully turned that into a friendship, actually with us all. He once said to me that he envisions this thing with the OW turning into something similar, although for me, it is really playing with fire, as his feelings for OW is much stronger that that of the old friend)

I tried to be non-reactive, but in the end, got panicky and controlling and started calling repetetively and checking on what time he was back, why he didn't call me, etc. until it got to the point where he asked me if I thought he was neglecting our D. Although I denied it, in the end my bad feelings came out and I know he felt my distrust and my need to control. he asked me to stop constantly checking him as he could handle it by himself.

I emailed him and said my piece about his leaving D, but also said I realized i was being controlling and paranoid, and tld him i would work on that.

I thought things through and decided in the end that when I got back, i was going to just continue with everything as though nothing happened.

It was the best thing - although he was distant with me, and sad too, gradually things went back to normal.

Fathers day weekend I had a little accident at home - I broke a glass of nail polish on the floor and got wounded, needing stitches, in the process. he brought me to the ER, but he was not too happy. After he picked me up again he wouldn't speak with me even if I talked to him that finally I was so exasperated that I told him I would like some respect! He apologized and I stuck my hand at him to shake and said "friends", that made him laugh and broke the eyes. the rest of the weekend was OK, we went cherry picking all together, did a Fathers day lunch, and brought our dog back home.

He still seeems determined to stay. A few comments here and there tells me his sentiments - for example, he commented on someone being hard hearted, saying the proof is that she could leave his family, and he seemed disgusted by it. I just agreed and nodded although I was sorely tempted to tell him that he did consider the same thing!) Plans for future things, D's schooling, work, etc. have all been discussed with me lately. He has an offer for contractual work with my company and he has been asking me what to do about it, as he told me he did not want to jeopardize the possibility that he could come back to working full time in the company but at the same time did not have the bandwidth to do all they wanted him to do.

Anyway, after a week things had gone back to how they were before I left.

I guess I am learning to be patient more and more, and really seeing the meaning of what it means when they say that the fate of the M belongs to the LBS.

I really look on this now as a stage that I just have to endure and learn from. I miss the feeling of being loved so much, but just keep in mind that someday, hopefully, it will be back. I realize that it is not easy to make the decision to leave a M and family, and that as long as i don't push my H, or make the move myself, we have a big chance of staying together and working on it.