Nobody here will put you down. We are all here for various reasons and are all in pain. This site has become a huge source of support for me, as it will you. I encourage you to keep posting and read up on other people's sitch's as well. You can learn a lot from them.
I agree with Denver, continue with the M counseling, and if possible, find a C for just yourself. It sounds like the abuse has really taken it's toll on you.
Following DR is hard at times, because it is the exact opposite of what our instincts tell us to do. It really does help though. The thing I have been learning is patience patience patience.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤