Thanks 25. Spot on. FWIW- I have been re-reading the old posts from you on my thread over and over.
It has been a hard week. SOme I think is that I have been told over and over that I can't feel this. The anger the bitterness. That is hard. I have to get it out. Like I am not to be hurt. Maybe I really haven't been told this I don't know but feel it coming from others. Like I have to be strong for every one. Extended family even-co dependency in its glory I guess.
You are right. He has been hiding behind the good H and F for a long time. That is a tough one to swallow. For the kids too. I have encouraged them to just feel their feelings. Not be ashamed of them. I have told them its normal.
Yes, OW drinks with him. No, I am sure its not true love. But, I am looking for reassurance I guess. Maybe I am being childish in that regard that I need you all to remind me she is meaningless. But, funny he isn't happy there either. What cognitive things are you referring to? No, I did not know he was an alcoholic. He has hidden and lied so well. I knew he "social drank" but NOthing like what was going on. He could be home for a weekend and not drink but then go on (what I have now figured out)a binge but cover it with working late. I would be in bed when he got home.
I think some of my anger and resenment is looking back now that can connect everything with the drinking- walking on egg shells, mood swings, etc is that We-the kids and I - did put up with that or live with that. Not always the easiest. But, then HE leaves US!?!!! Really? That seems a little backwards.
I truly am GAL the best I can. Yes I need to focus on the kids.
Yes, I want my kids and I all to be happier. I am scared. THere I said it.
And, yes, I want you to tell me when he will come back. But, I know no one can. Just being honest. I know my hope cannot be in him. My hope is in God. Just need to get it from my head to my heart.
Thanks. I DO appreciate the feedback. I should start journaling. That way everyone doesn't need to hear my repition.
