Devastated

[25yearsmlc]

Yes it is true. I admit I have intimacy issues. I have two small kids (twins) run my own full time business plus do all household chores. I believe this is quite common after being married for a while and having kids.

I disagree. Not having sexual interest in your h is NOT common at this age. Life's demands do take a toll on us, but we will never "have the time" for intimacy. We have to "make the time" for intimacy.

While it is reported that many women have temporary drops in their libido after the birth of the 2nd child, this usually returns within 24 months.

In the meantime, most wives find that they ML with their h's b/c it's important to them to have intimacy even if they (the wife) won't "get their cookies".

Sex is about comforting, expressing love, holding each other, and yes, sometimes doing it just for him.

Sex isn't all about one's libido.

My h's mother died and h wanted to ML NOT b/c he "in a sexual mood" so much as he needed comforting.

When our d22 graduated from college, we felt celebratory. It was a proud moment for us. We ML with a totally different flavor.

To reiterate, sex is NOT just about libido. If it were, women with little kids would only have sex twice a year til the kids were 4 or 5. Some would never have it b/c they may have low sex drives.

To me, that's like saying 'oh, I can't taste food...OH WELL..."

Don't accept that! Reject it.

Carrying the metaphor farther, let's say that you physically could not taste food....So, would you stop eating?

No, b/c you want to live.

To many husbands, sex is food for their souls, their hearts, their bodies, and their egos as manly lovers. Don't starve him.

Maybe you can see a doctor to get your libido back. I did and it helps. BUT

in the meantime, Don't blow off the importance of this.

As I approach menopause and find my libido naturally physically dropping, I also find other physical issues arising that interfere with sexual pleasure on my end.

So I went to 3 doctors/specialists and am now on HRT, and the physical cause of some symptoms will be addressed in a procedure done to address it b/c

I refuse to surrender intimacy in my m b/c I need it AND...

because it's very important to my h. It's his Love Language.

So I urge you to read "Five Love Languages" by Chapman. Your h may not care nearly as much about having a "tidy house" as he does about being sexually desired.

I've always made sure our house is tidy, laundry is done and dinner is cooked when he gets home. The last thing on my mind at the end of a busy day is sex. He never said he had issues with this.

Well the tidy house was not his love language so it did nothing for his ego. While doing housework may be your way of showing him love, iF it's not how he feels loved,then it's not how he feels loved....

Did he ever initiate sex and get rejected?

That's him telling you he wanted to be intimate. If he stopped asking, perhaps he got tired of being rejected.


I actually thought over the last year we had turned a corner with this. I know the spark that was there 14 years ago is gone.

How do you KNOW this? What was said, what stopped happening? Why'd you think you "turned a corner"?

I've tried to organize date nights etc but he didn't like someone we don't know looking after the kids.

You'll never "have the time"...you "MAKE THE TIME". If you care enough it happens. Again, read the Five Love Languages.

Before I saw that piece of your post, my first thought was he was doing drugs.

Hence the sudden brief absences and physical symptoms...now, I am 50/50 on that. IF he feels terrible guilt about OW, OR Drug use, he may be panicking.

Something is triggering the symptoms.

Have you gotten the Div Busting and Div Remedy books? I suggest reading the 2nd one first

b/c Div Busting talks a lot about why div is bad & then gets to some solutions, whereas the Div REMEDY book

gets to the solutions part faster.

Read that asap. And read The Five Love Languages b/c the one thing in your situation I'm fairly sure of,


is that you are not "loving" him in his love language.


Keep posting and dig deep to see what your role is in this.

Newsflash--you want to have a role in this crisis!

Why?

B/C then you are not powerless. THEN you can change and THEN


your h can see that marriage to you could be better than before, which

[b]he has to believe, to come back

[/b]