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[RedNailPolish]

I completely effed up!

Whilst at the park H got all teary. I asked him what was wrong. After a while he said he missed his family. I said we missed him too. Anyway we got talking a bit. And I asked whether he wanted to talk some more. So we went back to his place. And things went from bad to worse.

After S3 went to bed I started a R talk. I just wouldn't shut up. I kept pushing. I kept asking. I wouldn't stop. I told him I knew everything. And that he needed to make a decision. I royally effed up!

Here is what I remember of what H said:
- he wanted to work on us
- he didn't want to hurt OW
- he cared about OW alot
- he couldn't end it with her but hoped it would fizzle out and she would loose interest in him. Just cant hurt her
- he was unhappy with everything
- he is confused with everything and changed his mind daily
- he has no interest in anything including work or the gym
- he doesn't think he can ever forgive himself. Ever
- he was with OW because he wanted to help her. He wanted to save her.
- he said if she didn't need him the way she does he probably would never have gotten involved with her. But he can't leave her now. He's afraid of what shell do
- he said he is jealous of my independence. He has none and has to account for every time he is not with her. He said this drives him mad
- he acknowledged he was depressed
- he said he was confused because he felt when we were all together we fitted as a family and this made him happy. But he also liked being alone. And he also enjoyed being with OW


I left his place after an hour. It was aweful. OW stuff was everywhere even

I told him that I couldn't see him any longer. That there would be no more family dinners/outings. Infact we couldn't be friends. I said he had hurt me and he was continuing to do so by choosing OW over me and his family.

though he tried to conceal it. I am so hurt.

After I left he sent the following text:
I'm really sorry Red. I don't know anything at the moment. I am so confused. I didn't need to be pushed for an answer because I am not in position to answer anything at present.