Fool me once, Shame on ME

[ninelives]

I rarely reply. As for the party, I thought long and hard about her coming. I flipped back and forth about whether to invite her or not. I decided on taking the high road for a couple of reasons.

One , it took the pressure off my son. He didnt want to do a two party thing and really wanted to see everybody together. He is going through a tough time at school and is generally down in the dumps. He was very happy at the party.

two- She hosted youngest sons party this year and I thought , for one last time , she will see what she is missing at our house. I buried the hatchet with SIL and showed her who I am. Who I have always been really. She can take it or leave it. If she chooses to continue down her path of destruction, she is welcome to it. I have done all I can. The rest is up to her.

I hope this party has helped me drop the rope for good. Only time will tell.

Trust me Sandi and 25, I wrestled every day with the invite or not and only gave it at the last moment. I think things went well and I dont regret having them here.

9

[sandi2]

Let me ask you something, you were talking about her making a statement about some flower plants. Has everything around the house pretty much stayed the way it was when she was living there?

What about this?

[ninelives]

Yeah, pretty much everything has stayed the same except that I am really on top of the upkeep of the house. Ie) grass is cut, weeds are trimmed. Moved my bed around a bit. New furniture for the deck ( since she took the other stuff) deck box.

She made the comment about the vines that she planted 7 years ago hoping they would create a canopy over our pergola. She pretty much designed the house for our contractor and the deck and pergola were her idea as well as the extra deck and the pool.

9

[sandi2]

Have you ever thought about making changes that would show the house was a man cave...instead of having her personal touch?

[2stepboogie]

9

To drop or not to drop the rope?

That is the question.

I guess 9 I would have to ask you what dropping the rope really means to YOU?

What does going dark really mean to YOU?

We give these things nicknames but are we failing to see the actual meaning behind it.

These are not techniques or tools to illicit a response from the spouse. There are merely names to ease the reality of the sitch. Your W is living with OM yet you struggle. It hurts. What M are attempting to save and at what cost? Dropping the rope, in my mind, means to let go. Let go completely and move on with your life. It means you have acknowledged the end of your M and you have decided to take back your life. If means you are no longer attached to the consequences that are attached with your W and you no longer wish to participate in the circle jerk.

Going Dark in a way is part of dropping the rope. Now you will NEVER be able to go completely dark. You have children but you can move on with your life and call her and address her when you have a chance. Of course matters of the children should be addressed but only if it is something that needs to be addressed. Some things, just as sandi said, are done to keep you on the hook. So that you can never stray too far emotionally; this however is damaging you in the long run and it is making it harder for you to get to a place where you need to be.

I know what you mean.

It would be so easy if these damn emotions did not get in the way.

Wish there was a switch

There isn’t. Sorry.

But

You don’t want to run away from your emotions and you don’t want to dilute the pain. You know what I did? I read. A LOT. I also prayed A LOT and I wrote in my journal . Some people work out some people go drinking I just spent time in thought. Music seemed to help me also. It is amazing what a good book and a quite place can teach us.

Find something, anything, to help you along.

Look deeply into your own life, the times you have cried, the times you have raged. What was the cause of it all? The next time you are in pain, pause, and look. Ask yourself – why?

What am I holding on to?

Without attachment, suffering does not exist. Let go of your attachments, little by little.

Attachment and detachment is internal one could easily give up all their wealth and still be upset because they are still attached to them internally.

It is hard but you will get there.

[JustStunned]

Have you ever thought about making changes that would show the house was a man cave...instead of having her personal touch?

Thanks Sandi, you’ve validated some of my plans if I can keep my house.

2Step, someday, someday I hope to catch up a little.

Sorry for the jack 9

[2stepboogie]

2Step, someday, someday I hope to catch up a little.

you will. I assure you. Be patient. All the answer are there. You just closely. My threads will guide you but you must search

[ninelives]

I got another text from her today;

w: Did you get my email bout pension beneficiary info? Looks like I will get a whopping 900 bucks a month. Woot Woot Woot. Oh well hopefully I will die before ever having to worry about it. Lol.

My youngest son happened to be calling as I was reading it so I asked to talk to his mom.


M: What is your text about?
W: I was just wondering about beneficiary things.
M: I still have you as mine, why?
W: I dont know who to name as my beneficairy, should I put the kids.
M: IDK, but you should put someone.

W: Okay, well bye

M: Okay bye.

WTF was that all about? I really am sick of her poor me attitude when she brought it all on herself. Her " I hope Im dead before blah blah blah , is getting really old , she has said things like that before.

I wish she would just leave me alone.

9

[ninelives]

The woman continues to perplex me.

She texted me last night at 1:30 about me dropping off son when she wakes up from her nights. ( She is has been on nights for the last 3)

I responded: Ok

Then in a rather annoyed text tone. She said , ARe you going to respond to this in a timely manner or are you going to ignore my text like most of them.

Then she immediately responded with a " Thank you for the prompt response"

She did text me a few more things but I cant remember what they were.

She seems to text quite a bit. That isnt normal is it? I know people will say she is trying to keep me on the hook. I wish I knew what she was thinking.

Who cares ! Right?

9

[Timetotry]

9,

I am right there with you; I get texts all the time and it makes it so hard to detach.

Just try not to read into the texts, my IC says its just the WAS way of filling their own void.