Last night S17 texted me to pick him up from work. When I did I asked if his sister was working late, since she usually brings him home on Friday nights. He said he didn't want to come home with her. They had been arguing. He told me he doesn't want to live with she and I anymore and not just because of her. He said "you are always going through moods". I guess I still don't hide my pain well.
The 3 of us talked when she came and home and it just became an argument between them. Again, he said he doesn't want to live here. I talked with D19 after he went in his room and made it clear he was done talking. I said to her that she and I need to know what he intends to do, because I would not be buying out STBX if he isn't going to live with us, partly because STBX would definitely no longer pay me support (rightly so) if we each have one kid with us. That led to awkward talk about STBX and OM living together etc.
So...I called STBX to tell her about their argument, but mostly about S17's desire to not live here and how that will affect everything. I think we were on the phone for over 2 hours. A lot of that time was spent discussing our M, our separation, her relationship with OM and just about everything. There was a lot of crying on both sides. She still claims that she and OM had never had sex until "about 6 months ago". I openly admitted that I thought they had sex years ago and continued to throughout our marriage.
She agrees that our kids are feeling our pain and anger and even that it could be a legacy for our grandchildren. We also agreed that D19 had chosen "my side" and S17 has chosen hers, even though neither of us created that. I guess it just happens in divorce.
Again she said "I don't want to be married to you", but also said she knows we are meant to be together. I admitted that the breakdown of our marriage started with my treatment of her and she admitted that she actually ended it by leaving and then by starting a relationship with OM/Boss.
I could go on for pages. I think some good came out of it. Not good to save our marriage, but good to clear the air. I ended it by asking her to speak to S17 today and then call me. I was planning on us divorcing by September, me buying her out of the house, both kids staying with me and her paying me $1000 per month support. We had all but agreed to that and next step would have been to talk with my bank manager and then put it all on paper.
Now...I have no idea what is going to happen. I barely slept and now I am off to work. Some days I wonder how much more all of us can take.
