Has anyone seen my get-up-and-go?

[Dawn of Hope]

I got notified today that my house is going into foreclosure on August 2. I thought H had arranged with the mortgage company that this wouldn't happen, but I guess not. I am too tired and too beaten down to really panic about this, although it is quite disturbing.

In some ways I am much better than I was when all this M nightmare started, almost 4 years ago now. My emotions aren't constantly jerked around by every little thing or fresh horror. The price is that I am pretty jaded about the whole thing, and the way I protect myself from falling apart every five minutes is that I have built a huge wall against feeling much of anything if I can avoid it. The fact that I'm constantly running on far less sleep than I need doesn't really do me any favors.

I have to get some sleep now so that I can prepare for a showing of my house in less than 5 hours, and I have a grossly overdue work project to finish, and then I am supposed to be in a piano recital this afternoon (which always makes me more nervous than anything else I've ever done in my life), and I am behind on practicing my performance piece.

Stop the world, I want to get off.