Nearly 5 years but who is counting?

[Dawn of Hope]

MMF, I'm delighted to see another one who is determined to hold to his vows until parted by death. There are so few of us, it seems sometimes, and even when you firmly believe that it's what God wants, it gets tiring to hold out against all the people who think you should "move on" and give up on your S after a certain period of time or sequence of events. Do you read the "Charlyne Cares" devotionals? They have really helped me stand strong.

It's approaching 4 years for me, and about 2-1/2 since my H moved out. No legal action has been taken, so we are still M, although you would never know it by the circumstances. No noteworthy signs of R that I can see, but I don't expect God to keep me informed about everything that's going on on the other side of the mountain. I have a lot of trouble hearing God's voice, and I can't say I have received a personal promise from God, but I believe that even if I knew for sure there would not be a reconciliation, God would still want me to stand. I know it seems totally insane to someone who isn't a person of faith, but if we only go along with the world's idea of what's right, we're no different than everyone else, which is pretty meaningless. To me it seems quite clear in scripture that God sees M as being for life, regardless of what any human (including the parties to the M) does to try to negate that, so I think that if you want to follow God's instructions, there's no choice other than to stand, regardless of the outcome. It bites big-time, but still, if you believe God has your back, at least you know you're doing the right thing.

I suspect that one of the big roadblocks to R in my M is me, because I am completely stuck in unforgiveness, and I have no idea what I have to do to be able to forgive. I know it's essential, and I want to be able to let go, but I don't know how. I've tried everything I can think of on my own, but it hasn't really improved for a couple of years.

Anyway, I don't want to hijack. Just wanted to recognize fellow travelers (hi, snow!) along the same narrow road that is so contrary to what everyone tells us we ought to do, because it's really all about our happiness, right? Well, no, it's not. It's about our holiness, and about praying our WAS back to a R with God. And then after that, God may bless us with a restored M, but that's the fruit, not the root.

Peace and blessings
Dawn