The BIG D and its Path of Destruction

[LITB]

25, you have given me so much to think about and how to approach dealing with our children and the legal process. I appreciate it.

I knew that my W would be calling about the time I was driving home from work. Thankfully, she got caught up in her office, so it delayed the call. When I refreshed my phone and saw your post, I pulled off the freeway to read it. I had a feeling that it had great advice for my convo with her and sure enough it did. I will reply to it after this update.

First, I want to share my feelings about today. Obviously I’m glad that the judge granted the injunction, however I feel dirty about the letter. I regret that I allowed it to get filed the way it is. It rips my heart out when I think about it. There isn’t much I can do about it now, except hope that it miraculously does not get to my W or she does not read it. I’m just not excited about it.

Now for the convo with the W. When she called, we again started with a typical exchange. I asked how she was doing, how work was going, etc, etc. The tone was similar to the convo on Tuesday. Then when we had covered all of the normal talk there was silence…..(I will type it out as close to how I remember)

M: I suppose we should talk about the elephant in the room?

W: Yes, what are we going to tell the kids? You know D8 is expecting to come. (She apologized for talking to our D about a new bedroom and comforter set that D was asking about.)

M: (I told her something about not to worry about it their discussion regarding the bedroom set. I just can remember exactly right now). I understand that she is still under the impression that they are moving in 3 weeks. I think we should keep it simple. Let them know that things have come up and that they will continue to stay with me until we can work everything out. They may have questions and we will have to let them know that both mommy and daddy love them and we will do everything to make sure they are taken care of.

W: So you won’t reconsider?

M: I can’t. (I could hear the hurt in her voice and this made me sad.)

W: Do you realize what you are going to drag them through? Do you really want to have to go through family court?

M: Please stop. I do not want to drag them through a custody battle. However, as their father, I feel that given the choices that I have, it is in their best interest to stay here with me.

W: What made you change your mind?

M: A lot of things have changed. You have a lot on your plate and I felt that it is best that they stay here.

W: Of course you don’t communicate that to me. So typical.

M: Please stop. We’ve been over this and I don’t want to rehash it.

W: How are you going to take care of them?

M: The same way that I have been taking care of them the last 3 months.

W: So your mom is moving out there?

M: My mom is willing to stay with me as long as I need her to.

W: Do you know how the kids feel about your mom? You know your mom yells at them? Do they tell you and do you listen to them? I never told you out of respect for you. (OUCH!! That made me feel small because of the stupid letter.)

M: Of course I listen to them. (This is a good piece of information. I have asked my mom to quit yelling before and after that comment, I reiterated to her that we have to be perfect. I told her that she is as much a target in this as I am.) Do they tell you that once daddy gets home that it is all daddy? (Could have done without this comment).

W: Yes they do.

W: You know that this is going to cause damage to D8 and S5?

M: Look, I feel what is best for them is to have access to both of us. There is nothing in NM for me.

W: What about future possibilities?

M: I can’t base my decision on possibilities. I have to base my decision on the facts that are in front of me.

That’s the gist of the convo. Most of it probably should have been eliminated.

She did call back about 15 minutes later to ask me to email my L’s contact information. I sent it and let my L know that my W has her info. I asked her for the contact info of her L and haven’t received a response. It’s probably because she doesn’t have one. I really feel like an idiot for not being more methodical with the letter and being so paranoid.