Hiya Beatrice, thanks for stopping by and for the good wishes.
Hey Grace, how are you, my friend?
I thought long and hard about posting about the next step in my journey. I feared that people might misunderstand. I thought it might not be appropriate.
But, I have always tried to be very honest. I have always hoped that maybe something I write might help someone else.
I hope that no one is offended by my writing about my new friend.
It is almost four years post bomb for me. Four years of not having any kind of relationship with my xh other than as aquaintances.
No matter. I still felt married. Still felt I needed to honor my vows. I knew that I was not ready for a new relationship while I still felt that way. I also knew that I had a lot of work to do on me.
I wasnt looking for anyone. I had a full life. I had some health issues to deal with and other stuff as well.
I had been asked out from time to time. I always declined. It wasnt fair to someone else to start something I wasnt ready for.
As I said, I was not looking for this. I am still not sure if I am completely ready for it.
But, he is someone I knew many years ago. We were business aquaintances. I had not seen him in over 25 years.
We started talking about when we worked at the same place. We enjoyed that conversation and had several more. Then he asked me out.
Honestly, I almost didnt go. It felt wrong somehow and he sensed it. We talked about it and he left it up to me.
He told me he understood that it was difficult for me after being with someone for so long. It was just two old friends going out.
Now I dont know if he really felt that way or if it was just a way to get me to go but, I felt I had to try.
We had a great time. The next few dates I felt more comfortable. He is a nice man. A special person.
He asked if my xh were to come around and want to try, what would I do? I told him the truth. That I would have to listen to what my xh had to say. That I felt that because of our history and our son that was what I needed to do.
This kind man said, I respect you so much for that, B. I understand and I am going into this with my eyes wide open.
Brooklyn - I think you deserve happiness. Four years is a long time, and he sounds like a very nice guy. I hope you have a lovely time dating, and wish you everything that is good. Most of us are wondering i f he has any brothers
I do have concerns when someone starts something very early on after their h has left, mainly because I think it is about self esteem, usually. Although not necessarily.
Also loved your response, and his reply. A grown up person.
Brooklyn, as far as I am concerned, this is also a part of the "journey" for many people. You have to live your life. You are taking every precaution and being very up front about perhaps not being ready, and yet this man is still there for you. That's saying something. And whether he ends up being a romantic partner long term or not, you have to do what's best for you for today. A connection with someone else may give you a new perspective on relationships and on what's healthy vs what is not. It may be that someday this relationship will impact your decision, if this is the way it plays out, to reconcile with your XH if he comes knocking--or not reconcile. It's all happening for a reason.
You are so good at following your instincts, and if your instinct is telling you that you want to spend time with this man, then do it. Follow your heart because your heart has learned many lessons that are serving you right now as you embark on something entirely new for you.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
You are correct. This is a place where people come to save marriages. I too worry sometimes about the message that the new people receive when I say I am no longer standing. That I have moved on...
However, that too, is a part of this journey for some of us...
This is a place where we learn acceptance of ourselves, each other, and other people. It is a place where we share some of our darkest moments...
Where we help each other and support each other through all of the garbage that comes with MLC, with all of the garbage that comes in life, where we cry and shout, and laugh and tease and play...and pray.
Personally, I see no reason we shouldn't share our triumphs as well...
Ok getting down from the soap box now before I go all girly on you LOL
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I agree with you, my friend. This place does all that and more. That is why I want to take great care in what I post.
But I also know that the people here who care about me want me to be happy. And as I have shared my journey with them and they with me, I hope that they will stay with me on my path.
And you getting girly? I know how much you hate that. LOL!
Yes, we come here to save our marriage, but it does take two, long term, to do that. This is our journey too. I have no quarrel with people who continue to stand, with people like myself who are not standing, but are not in another relationship, or with people who have given it their best shot and then meet someone else.
We are doing the journey in our own way. I might meet someone else, I might reconcile [unlikely] or I may stay on my own - which is 'right'? All three are legitimate options imo.
Hey Bea, I hear ya. We do all walk this journey in our own way.
I have always tried to do what I felt was the right thing. I tried to be true to myself and follow my moral compass. I tried to act with dignity and honor and prayed often for God's guidance.
I feel strongly that everything happens for a reason. And I feel that people come into our lives when we need them to.
I do not know where this will lead with my friend. And I do not rule out anything regarding my xh.
I am just trying to live my life in the best way I know how.
It is with an open mind and heart that I continue on this journey.
I know that I can honestly say that I do all I could to save my marriage. But, in the end, it does have to be two people who try.
I continue to pray for my xh. I hope he finds peace and happiness.
And I am still trying to find my way through all of my struggles.
So for today, I have a friend who cares about me and makes me smile.
No one knows what the future holds.
I just pray that mine has a little peace, happiness and laughter in it.
f he has any brothers