Nearly 5 years but who is counting?

[missmyfriend]

In September, it will be the 5th anniversary when my wife told me she no longer wanted to be with me. In November, it will be 5 years since she left.

I can't say my situation has improved. In fact, face value would show it to be much worse. When my wife left, she left the kids with me. We have three kids that are everything to me. A little more than 2 years later, our daughter (now 18) moved in with her mother. A couple of months later, our son (now 16) moved in with his mother but has bounced back and forth between us. Our youngest child, a son, who is not 14 and will be 15 in September, is currently with his mom but has spent most of the time with me.

I miss them all so very much. During the past 5 years, I have made a concerted effort to love my wife from a distance, handle my anger issues (nothing physical) extremely well and continue trying to balance my professional and personal responsibilities.

I have to say my faith in God is the only thing that keeps me going. I know that for some people reading this, that they have decided "sheesh, not another bible thumper" while others are relieved to find someone else who believes in the same thing. What is common, or at least I hope is common, between everyone is the fact that they love their husband or wife and are trying desperately not to give in to the common divorce epidemic and move on to someone new (only to repeat the same mistakes).

Do I find it challenging to stay standing? YES, oh my gosh, yes! But I feel like if I don't stand for my wife and my marriage, I may be giving up right before our marriage could be reconciled and we could experience a better relationship than what we had before everything "went south". Also, I feel that I am not only standing for my marriage but for my entire family. My children have not fared well over the years.

My wife went from being a non-judgmental moral based person to someone who is living with another person and doesn't try to lead our children by example. My kids are having a tough time knowing and living with boundaries because there are no boundaries anymore. My wife does get mad at the kids if they do something that upsets her but she treats all of them like friends, i.e. adults that can make all of their own choices. When they make a choice she isnt happy with, she gets very upset with them.

I'm going to wrap this up. The only thing I really wanted to share with the other standers out there is that you are not alone and, while it isn't easy, we are doing this not only because we love the people in our lives but if we don't stand for them, no one else will. What is more important than family? Other than God? Nothing.

Hang in there. There isn't a time limit on this. I will say that I believe that your spouse will eventually appreciate you being the rock for them and, if you have children, when they grow up, they will appreciate what you did for your family.

Love you all!

Don't give up. Never surrender.