Well, I know it will be a while before this gets posted but I really need to get this out.
I really hate when the tough days come around, Just when I feel like I am getting stronger and detaching I get hit with some thoughts that send me in a downward spiral. The thing that really gets me is the fact that they are just thoughts, things in my head that I should be able to have full control over!
Why is it so difficult to control?
I look in the eyes of my kids,and although I am doing everything i can posssibly do to give them a good life, I at times feel like I am failing as a father because I cannot give them a stable home with two parents like they deserve.
I know that all the responsibility does not fall on me, but I still feel like I should be doing more.
Why is it that the woman I so dearly love and have for so long can say she doesnt see any hope in us starting a new relationship? I realize no one but her can give me the answer, but it's a questions I probably shouldnt ask.
I have to say that today my hope tank is running on fumes and I am ready to call it quits, I have been going through this for over a year and it is just plain exhausting. I will pray for more strength and hope, and see what the LORD sends my way.
Well,just writing this out makes me feel a little better, but just a little.
M 38 W 32 T 11 M 2 SS 14 S 9 ILYBNILWY March/2010 EA found out Oct 2010 PA found out Jan 2011 living together alone
