in the beginning i came here looking to save something that was already beyond saving. it ended and i left here, couldn't come back for a long time, the colors, the stories, everyone else going through this was too much, too many triggers bringing back bad memories. after a long while i came back and post on random threads, hoping my experience can help others. or help myself.
DB is said to help save a marriage. sometimes it does.
but what it really is about is saving yourself. doing what makes you a better person not for the WAS, but for your own mental health. making yourself more attractive, but for your own confidence. doing whats right, to prevent yourself from having to feel guilty in the future. being a better parent for your children.
if that saves your marriage, then great.
if not, then at the very least you've saved yourself. and thats no small thing.
but it really is all about you. everything you do should be about you.
Very cool Ken I am from Ft Lee/Palisades Park area in Bergen County.
I think most of us come here in the hopes of saving our M and or R and while some are able to do so sadly I believe a large number of people are not. There are two kinds of people that walk away from this whole experience. Those that become angry and resentful because they did not reach their desired "goal" and those that throughout the process realize that the true goal is to find themselves grow and learn their role in the whole thing so that they NEVER repeat it.
Changing yourself is perhaps one of the most difficult things you will ever do and while I don't believe you need to overhaul who you are you do need to become more aware.
Truthfully I have not changed a whole lot as a person but I have become more educated and aware of a R and M.
I was blind but now I see.
As for triggers?
I know what you mean there also.
They are still all around but I find myself reacting to them very differently now. Little things though that come out of nowhere sometimes have the most profound effects on me. Instead of a week of depression when I first see them now I am able to work my way out of them much quicker.
I am still much more fragile than I care to admit but I have a direction and that is a big load off my shouders.
I find that in helping others I really end up helping myself and I feel better but sometimes I do need a mental break and just walk away for a week or so.
Man still glad there is another DBer from NJ
This whole time I thought people in NJ either just did not get divorced or could care less when they did
