Forgot to answer your last question. Yes, I forgave her within a few weeks of finding out about OM. Just can't carry that kind of ill will in my heart. Just don't have it in me.
It is funny how we can become comfortable alone after a while. I know what you mean. I definitely miss the companionship, her soft voice, and her soft touch. You know, one of her comments to me as we separated was that she said I just couldn't be alone and would likely remarry within a year or two of us D'ing. Well, turns out she's the one who immediately hooked up, and I am El Solo Lobo. Kind of like it that way under the circumstances. Reminds me of my college days. No ties, no plans, free to do as I please.
It's funny that my wife told me that I couldn"t be alone. She also told her sister that she was the strong one and I was the weak one. Her sister was laughing and asked me why she has it backwards. Strong people stay and work on there issues and pull together when things are tough not turn and run for cover.
Yea I feel like its the college days to. Doing a lot of things now that I left go. Life really is an interesting journey when you sit and reflect about it.
MLC really does turn them into there exact opposite of what they have been. My MLC journey really brought me into a more conscious state. This is where our W have to get to. If you are conscious in thought then you would know you are hurting a lot of people and start to make changes in yourself. This is basically the journey you have to make from totally acting unconsciously to consciously.
Man, I'm glad you made it through your MLC without ruining your family at the time. I hope I never have to go through my own MLC, that's for sure. My W's MLC is enough for me.
In the early stages of her Replay, right after she moved out, there was so much lying and odd behaviour (staying out late, not answering her phone when the kids called, etc.). This has slowed way down. She tends to be more evasive about her life than anything. Continues to insist she wants her long term independence away from me. What about your W?
MLC World, Nice to know there are decent guys out there. Your W is indeed a very lucky woman for having found you and I hope she wakes up before it's too late.
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
Such a simple thing you just said to me. Thank-you. You really, really brightened my day! The LBS gets so beaten down by the MLC process that you start to question if you ever were a good spousal partner. Know what I mean?
Did s short snoop of your sitch, and I'm sorry to see the journey ended with D. However, life did not end for you, and neither will it for me. My guess as your ExH will very much regret one day that he willingly gave you up. You just can't replace those years of familiarity and history with someone new.
Quick story in this regard .. My mortgage broker is a really great gal that got D'd and moved to Phoenix 10 years ago. Her H - Tom and her had no kids. They kept in contact and he always acted as her best friend (according to her). Years she spent searching for someone "better" to be with. Finally, one day a few months ago, she realized that Tom had always been there for her through all this, and that just what the heck was she searching for? Tom had all the qualities she wanted, plus their shared history. So guess, what, she moved back to the Pacific NW last month, moved back in with Tom, and could not be happier. 10 Years of wandering, only to end up with the one she could always call her friend. Good stoy and true.
That said, this board is so full of fantastic people who've been handed sour lemons. Most have chosen to make lemonade to whatever degree possible, and they all should be applauded. It's too bad that such a high caliber group of either D'd or in the process of being D'd people can't start some sort of matchmaking society to come together in person. You'd never find a more loyal group of people. Not your typical Match.com group either! Very select and very like minded, battle hardened, and most with a great sense of humor. Just saying ...
I haven't read all of your sitch, but I do have a question.
Can you explain why your D was dismissed? Just curious.
I'm going through the same Hell with my W.
Tad.
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
My D was dismissed because I somehow convinced my W that if we had to liquidate our commercial real estate asset (as the lawyers all insisted), the taxes would have been huge and her property settlement would be much less. Yes, she would get cash up front, but her net worth and future retirement prospects would be -45% less. Her dad talked some sense into her. I also told her she'd be broke like a lottery winner in 3 to 5 years if she took the cash. She might not know what she wants to be in the future, but fear is a powerful motivator, and I know she is deathly afraid of being broke. She is adamant about remaining single, so in her mind, if she never remarries (unlikely) going broke is a strong possibility given that she's 48 years old and has not worked in 20 years.
The D dismissal is necessary because to pull off a 1031 real estate exchange, it is impossible to get the lenders to loan to the two of us with a judgement filed at the county. It would show up in the property title report and spook the lenders. So, I wish I could say it was dismissed due to a change of heart, but as they say, it's always about the money.
All that said, the property transaction will take from 8 to 12 months to finish, thereby buying me precious time. She's only in her MLC journey one year now, so my chances are slim for her to change her course during the next 8 to 12 months. I remain hopeful, but realistic of my chances and will go out with no regrets if I fail. I continue to love and miss her dearly, but you cannot make someone love you back. They must come to that conclusion on their own. But of course, I'm preaching to the choir. I will though remain her friend even after the D, in whatever capacity I can.
Good luck to you Tad. I've read many of your posts, and I know how terribly upsetting this has been to you. She was your best friend and I know how much you love her. I really, really hate losing my best friend and confidant too. A piece of me is now gone, and always will be. There are better days ahead either way.
Yea the lying and evasiness, hiding the cell phone. Yep she did that well too. Mine talks about freedom independence and I don"t want to be married to you or anyone.
Its standard scrip. If I go through another MLC I'm going to mix it up a little I think. LOL.
I'm into this about 2 yrs so about a year ahead of you. Lst night all 3 of my kids were with me and that does make me happy. I know my oldest talks about how snappy she is, so its best there with me at this point.
World keep GAL'ing and enjoying your life. At some point the answers will come to you and I think you'll know what to do at every point in this journey. This forum has helped me immensely and I'm glad I'm not where i was a year ago. I finally can live somewhat normally except there is no more normal. I think that is the point. Everything is in constant change. We just don't like it. We like comfort.
Spirit ... Will do, man. I know we will keep looking out for each other. Must be the "Loyalty" gene we all share. I also know you are a solid dude, so take comfort in that fact. World
Sometimes I think that W may be coming around and other times I think that she is in no way close to coming around. Touch and gos?
Hang in there man.
Tad
Currently: M 56 XW 57 Sons 38,33,31,29
The Sitch: Married 26 years EA w/ OM 9/10 Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary) Sep 12/10 She wants D 1/11 W files 5/11 D final 10/11 XW marries OM 6/13
