We walked in bar and her mom was there. W walked up to mom and said hi and I did the same. MIL smiled and winked at me and said so very nice to see you both.
I ordered both of us a drink and sat down. She started small conv with her mom, which i figured the whole night would be that way, that she would talk to mom whole night and not give a lot of attention to me. Well i was wrong, she spent the two hours we were there, talking to me, looking me in the eyes and hardly talked to her mom a whole lot. Her mom was on her left and I as on her right.
I started conv about work and how it was going for her, and she talked about it. we then talked about her leaving for 5 weeks and she said she hated that she had to leave. I told her that she would be fine and I had faith in her that she could handle it fine.
The music was loud and I had to lean into her ear to tell her what I wanted to say, each time I would put my hand on her arm or back to do so.
After about 1 hour, i told her that I was thankful for her coming out tonight and she looked very pretty in the dress that she was wearing, she replied softly thank you. She began to get glassy eyed and I changed the subject to something else.
SHe made a few comments about the kids and not seeing them enough and I told her that would change in time and not to worry.
She then started to look at fb pics from the creek that she took while out with friends and I just ingnored it until she showed me one pic, I told her it looked like they had a great time. She yes they did and would love to take the kids there one day. I told her that sounded like a good idea and did not invite myself to go.
I did not give into her about deleting me from her fb last week, I told her that i had got a message on fb saying that we had shared a photo together and went to look at it and it said her and were not friends anymore. I told her that I dont get on fb much and it must have been something wrong with it. She said no that she deleted me last week and most of my family. I smiled and said ok, she said she didnt want me or them there in case she put a photo on there and it be flipped into something bad. I told her no big deal and it was her choice and then changed subjects. She brought it upagain about my family and I told her that they all loved her and are not mad at her. Then shut it down again.
I tried to keep it up beat which i feel in the end I did. Did not talk about R or OM. She then said how she had been hand washing dishes and I laughed and said you? She never would do it, if it didnt fit in the dishwasher then I would hand wash them. We both laughed about it and then I said that is funny and that I had started changing sheets on bed every week, and she laughed and said wow.
She had already known about my other changes as far as sleeping in the bed, taking shower everynigt, and losing weight as she has commmented to family and friends about it.
I also told her about how it has become routine to keep clothe washed, house clean. She replied that was good.
The hand washing dishes thing I believe was to show me that she had made some changes too.
She brought up s8 and how she was sad the way, he wanted to spend the night the other night and had to go home with me. She said she misses them so badly. She said that he wants to spend the night with her and cant because of her work. I told her that I understood and I also miss them when they are away with her.
She began to get teary eyed and I said just relax and I know we all wish things were different. I told her that me or the kids could not change things. She began to say something then stopped and I told her if she needed to talk that she could and I would listen. I told her that I have listned to her all night and that in the past I would listen to her but not hear her and that tonight I heard every word, she was very grateful.
She said that she didnt want to talk about it there in the bar, and I asked if she wanted to take a ride and she replied no, that she didnt want to talk there or right now. I said ok, and changed the subject.
Again it somewhat amazed me how in tune she was with me the whole night, never took her eyes off of me and I looked her right in the eyes the whole night also.
SHe told her mom that she had to go the bathroom and walked away. Her mom told me that w called her this afternoon and was nervous about going with me. She told her she didnt know why she wanted me to go. MIL told her that if she didnt want to go then dont go, but if she did then do it. She told MIL something but Mil could not remember what she said on the phone because she was driving in rain. Mil told w whatever she needed to say to me that she needed to do so. MIL told me that she thougt we were getting along great. She said she noticed me touching w a few times and thougt that was a good thing. She also noticed w had her feet under my legs and was touching me.
W got back from restroom and about 30 minuts later, we laughed so hard about a stich she had at work, then told her mom that she needed to go home as she had work early the next morning. SHe hugged mom bye and I did the same and MIL told me she was very proud of me for stepping up and taking her out.
We got out to her car, and I said thank you for the good time and she said it was very nice and thanked me. She sat in her car and left the door open. I leaned in again to give a kiss on the cheek and say goodnight, when I went for her cheek she turned and allowed me to kiss her on the lips.
I told her to be careful and walked to my truck, she replied the same.
Before she left the bar, I had mentioned that my next door neighbor wanted her to come to her husbands birthday party sat night. I told her that I would be there, and if she wanted to come it would be no big deal and the kids could stay at home across the street. She said that sounded like fun and would let me know.
At this point, I dont know if I did good or bad going out with her. I think if she didnt want to go with me that night she would have said so, and would have come up with a reason not to go. She has never had a problem with expresses her wants and needs.
I will take some positive away from it, 1) she did go, 2) she was not ignoring me and was very intune with me the whole night. 3) she did not pull away when I touched her to talk to her over the music.4) her laughs were real and not made up.5) she knew I was truly having a good time and was not nervous about being in the bar scence.6) she said she wanted to talk but not there and not right now.and she was very nice and polite when we departed.
Of course like many others on this site I am waiting on the follow up from her, and so far I have not gotten it. I want her to call me or text me that she had a good time or set up a date with me. I know that is not coming right now. But I did tell her when she left that I had a great time and we needed to do it again sometime. She happily agreed and I told her to let me know.
The reason I told her to let me know , because at this point, I cannot ask her again. I opened the door for her a little bit and now I know I have to go back to DBing and let her make the next move???? I hope that is the right thing to do, please let me know if anyone has any thougts on that. I feel that I have broken the ice a bit, without pushing her away,no R talk just laughs and showing her more of my changes instead of words of change.
I am sure she is confused and guessing if my changes are only to get her back, but still i have to figure leaving her alone again and letting her make a move at this point is the right thing to do. It has only been two day since that night and I know it will take more time.
Since this monday she has been calling kids more, talking to them everynight, which is odd as she has never done that. She is calling in the afternoon and again at night before they go to bed. It seems she is missing them more, when she left she seemed cold and selfish and did not make a big deal about seeing them or talking to them much, I wonder if this is a sign of her missing the family or remorse for what she did.
Willing to take some 2x4's if needed or some advice on what to do next if someone could chime in. Thanks
P.S. The bday party thing, I will not ask her again about that, she knows about it from me and my neighbor also sent her a text to invite her. IF she wants to use that as a good time to spend more time with me then she can. But I will not force the issue or bring it up. the kids are staying with her tonight. and tomorrow night is the party.
