74 Days - Who Knows?

[Denver_2010]

Good Lord Denver,

I go away for a bit, get one of my rare glimpses of what my future is going to look like in a few short months, take some time to feed the horses this afternoon, and you are on here looking for a smack in the head...


The guys are giving you great advice.

And you are not listening.

I will say it again, stop trying to use words to explain this away...

Rational thought is NOT going to work in this situation...

Is your W posting things to mislead you?

Who knows?

Is she posting to see if you are going to check up on her, to see if you say something, just to see if you trust her or not?

Probably. I know if I was unsure and still wanting space, I would...

Because if you asked about it, I would then know that you haven't changed at all...

RELAX. STOP. BREATH.

With the amount of pressure you are putting on yourself to micromanage something that you can't, if she does want to work it out, you are going to have no energy left.

You won't trust her. Don't think you will. Trust takes time and effort.

You have to WANT to be able to trust her though. Or it will NEVER happen...

Denver, stop trying to prove that you are different and that you have changed and just act like it, or don't. The thoughts in your head, that get put here on the page, tell me that you are still struggling within yourself to keep the old Denver down. And you need to make sure that he is a very distant memory for the both of you...

These thoughts you are having, making yourself nuts, are happening because you are not in CONTROL of the situation right now and you are feeling it hard. Not because she hasn't committed to anything. In fact, I see you wanting that committment, as a form of control. If and when you are talking to her, you still have to recognize that she is a person, and you can't control her. Period.

Because the Denver who has control...

Is the old Denver.

The verifying that Jack is talking about, the transparency, goes both ways...eventually, it becomes just a comfortable way of life where there are no secrets...

That will only happen if both people are on board (which is the first indicator that there is NOTHING to hide).

I see what you are saying Jack. The problem is that right now, she is NOT committed to the M.

And this...

was a very fancy way of saying "yes but"...

Which is just a way to create an excuse...

I think it is time to really try to stop that as well...

You are right as usual Cat.

It is a control issue for me. And THAT is the old me... and what my W does NOT want.

I AM still struggling with some old tendencies. It is hard to let go Cat. I'm trying.... and getting better. But it is still difficult.

Thanks as always.

Denver