My faith gives me the courage to move forward

[25yearsmlc]

I do feel helpless in this situation sometimes. I know it is not good. My father left my mother and us 4 kids when we were all very young for other woman, there was domestic violence that i witnessed too. My mother became a drinker and there were times we had no heat, electric and food because my father didnt send the money, his step kids were more important. before this we lived a very comfortable upper middle class life.

You see the pattern then? But do you see how YOU can break this cycle?

It's not fate. This isn't a book written by someone else that you are merely a character in. This is your life and you are the author of it.

Yes, it seems you have "written" things to play out as if you are your mother. You are retreating and curling up in the fetal position playing helpless ---which is a form of what your mother did.

So, do your life differently. Start now b/c it's already half over. Your h was not "the answer". What if he had died? Would your life end?


My mother had to sell the house and i was such a nervous person because of the instability growing up, i was unable to work.


I don't know what that means. I had an alcoholic dad who raged every night and I'm one of 9 kids. We never had one on one attention. Dinner time was a nightmare. All of my siblings and I put ourselves through college, and I put myself through law school as well, as did 4 of my siblings.

You are able to work now, right? You sound educated. You will be required to work in some capacity unless your h is quite wealthy and even then, alimony isn't given in all states. I don't recall how long your m is, and I don't know where you live or what he does for a living. We know he's not great with his cash flow...

thats when i met my husband, he was like my knight in shining armor.

Did you go to school while married? Did you work outside the home? Did you revolve around him?

See, it's important that you bring something to the table other than needs, do you know what I mean?


I know others have had worse situations. I dont know why i feel like a victim like my mother. i wish she had been a strong role model. Thats why im terrified of divorce and am hanging on to my m for my dear life.

You are talking like a victim in that you are suggesting you have no choice in this and you DO. You can't say you wish you had a strong role model for a mom at your age. Come on.

I didn't have a strong role model in my mom either. She was a doormat who spoke broken English, (she's French) and she was a victim of violence too.

So I looked around and I found a role model I was comfortable with & could relate to. First I saw women on TV who seemed strong and feminine, then I admired my teacher, or my coach, or my older sister. I met my aunt and she became my main role model but I had role models for different dimesnions of my life. I had a "wife role model, a mother role model, a lawyer role model, etc.

We create our lives. Let me emphasize that b/c it's important. WE CREATE OUR LIVES...

and at some point we can no longer assign responsiblility for how we are, on anyone but ourselves. That time has long passed for both of us.

Free your mother from the responsibility of the choices you've made.

Own the choices you made, and change the choices you make today so that you have a better today and a bright tomorrow. As I said many times to you before,

take charge of your life and if that's NOT manageable, get help to do that.

Do you see how being this way is not attractive to your h? I'm not bashing you. I am trying to motivate you to GET A LIFE & protect your son/your interests, whatever that takes.

The way it is now, you are waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or to have the electricity turned off, or the heat, etc. Break the cycle.

[b]Live by the title of this thread and move forward!!!
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