I have apologized for several things during the course of our marriage. The times I have apologized to her my apology never got much of a response from her and I honestly really wasn't expecting any kind of emotional response here either. Would have one been nice..sure..but I didn't expect one. I didn't really find it frustrating that I didn't get one though. Maybe that comes later? I dunno but that really doesn't bother me though at this point. Only part that bothered me was the divorce talk and I think that would be normal for anyone. Which of course the normalcy is one thing supposed to be trying to avoid I guess.
I'm sure there are several other things I have done wrong as well. 31/2 years of marriage were both still learning about marriage and each other. I would like to know what else I did wrong and I know I still got quite the journey ahead of me.
Protecting her is one of the issues I have. I have always been the "fixxer" in our relationship so to speak. As she has said I have had to hold her hand a great deal in our relationship through many obstacles. Her parents death, depression,self esteem issues..etc.. Her family in the past has said I'm the first person who has been able to keep her somewhat balanced. I do worry that without me there I won't be able to keep her from self destructing. That's a big problem I do have is just letting go and letting her learn on her own. I will admit that 200%.
You have hit the nail on the head there I have had several things I have contacted her about in the past that I could have figured out on my own and that is another thing I have to break myself of. It's one of the challenges that I am facing.
I know fear is making a lot of decisions for me at this point and I'm trying to figure out how to conquer it. It's a difficult task to say the least. I've started trying to keep myself busy like most of this evening I have spent time trying to rearrange the house more and figuring out what things I can get rid of to help make the bills a little easier.
She was here a little while ago actually. She text me and asked if I could come pick her up because she needed to get food for her cat and since her brother still doesn't have his gas turned on she wanted to shower over here. Which was fine by me. While she was here I finished cleaning my bearded dragon's tank up. I keep her cat because her brother is allergic. So she showered,picked up a few small items to take back over to his house. I didn't follow her around while she was getting things I stuck to the main room and just let her do her own thing.
One thing that was hard for me is typically when she is texting I'll ask who she's talking too but I bit my tongue and didn't ask. I'm sure she was looking for me to say something considering she did it right next to me a couple of times and would check her phone periodically.
We did though have a nice conversation without mentioning our relationship or the divorce and just talked normally. I did manage to be happy for the time we was together. I wasn't faking it either. of course the reason I was happy was because she was here and I need to start finding ways to be happy even when she's not here.
