But I will not accept ALL the blame. And it appears that the LBS take 90% of it. And I believe that is an unreasonable amount of blame. 50/50 is a better value.
When I look at some of the old posts by Coach and others, it wasn't so one sided. Go back and see for yourselves.
Where are the consequences for bad behavior?
You shouldn't except all the blame.
LBS should take 100% ownership of THEIR part of the M failure. The WAS has their 100% of their half to own. The question is who actually shows up here? Unless the WAS is complete trash, they left because their needs were not getting met. Bad behavior, yes, but who are we to judge them when we have to work on ourselves too. (Misdemeanor vs Felony - Two wrongs don't make a right)
Coach, Robx, Puppy, J3B, 25, etc (List is long) ALL came to a point where they fixed themselves where they knew and felt "I like me now, I'm done putting up with the bad behavior". Once they came to that point, they executed clear boundaries as to what is unacceptable to their well being. Some put up the boundary right away and started working on themselves while they waited. Several of them, not all, had spouses in affairs, some multiple affairs.
Don't let the hardline approach fool you into thinking someone fresh into this $h!t will be able to pull it off correctly. Everyone starts at the same point of devastation, hopefully, they grow to make the correct decisions for the rest of their lives. Accept that you can't change the past; accept the present for what it is and move on for you.
As far as "consequences for the bad behavior?". What do want the punishment to be? Force them to be with you the rest of their life? Stoned to death? etc? If you set a boundary, change your ways, and accept the fact that you can't CHANGE another person; then you moving on, is their loss. Their journey. Their consequence. Their Life.
Affairs are highly ADDICTIVE, sometimes they just CAN'T stop until they look inside, regardless of our changes and efforts. All we can do is hope one day they see the damage they caused and they better themselves. If they never do? Well, hopefully you're so far down the road that you finally stopped watching.
