I guess 9 I would have to ask you what dropping the rope really means to YOU?
What does going dark really mean to YOU?
We give these things nicknames but are we failing to see the actual meaning behind it.
These are not techniques or tools to illicit a response from the spouse. There are merely names to ease the reality of the sitch. Your W is living with OM yet you struggle. It hurts. What M are attempting to save and at what cost? Dropping the rope, in my mind, means to let go. Let go completely and move on with your life. It means you have acknowledged the end of your M and you have decided to take back your life. If means you are no longer attached to the consequences that are attached with your W and you no longer wish to participate in the circle jerk.
Going Dark in a way is part of dropping the rope. Now you will NEVER be able to go completely dark. You have children but you can move on with your life and call her and address her when you have a chance. Of course matters of the children should be addressed but only if it is something that needs to be addressed. Some things, just as sandi said, are done to keep you on the hook. So that you can never stray too far emotionally; this however is damaging you in the long run and it is making it harder for you to get to a place where you need to be.
I know what you mean.
It would be so easy if these damn emotions did not get in the way.
Wish there was a switch
There isn’t. Sorry.
But
You don’t want to run away from your emotions and you don’t want to dilute the pain. You know what I did? I read. A LOT. I also prayed A LOT and I wrote in my journal . Some people work out some people go drinking I just spent time in thought. Music seemed to help me also. It is amazing what a good book and a quite place can teach us.
Find something, anything, to help you along.
Look deeply into your own life, the times you have cried, the times you have raged. What was the cause of it all? The next time you are in pain, pause, and look. Ask yourself – why?
What am I holding on to?
Without attachment, suffering does not exist. Let go of your attachments, little by little.
Attachment and detachment is internal one could easily give up all their wealth and still be upset because they are still attached to them internally.
