Even with 180s, GALing and trying to maintain the PMA, I feel like I am right back at day 1 today. W continues her EA even after assuring me it's over. I continue to care for SS21 while she is at work.
Now she is planning to go to a NY Jets game in Philadelphia this fall. Why am I distressed at that? OM is a big Jets fan. W is a big Giants fan and dislikes the Jets. She has never taken that kind of initiative to do anything like that before. Now I think the money she sent to OM was to help get him out here for a "visit."
This may seem foolish and unimportant, but I feel like I am just being played big time.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Telemark - First of all, I agree, that's very tough to swallow. Unfortunately, you cannot control what she does. She's going to do what she's going to do.
You can only control yourself. Your GAL'ing is for you. The PMA is for you.
If she continues down this track, you WILL come out of this in a lot better shape than her.
It just astounds me that the woman I love so deeply and who I thought I knew so well - and I know I'm preaching to the choir - has become this cold, heartless, selfish person who I do not recognize at all.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
It just astounds me that the woman I love so deeply and who I thought I knew so well - and I know I'm preaching to the choir - has become this cold, heartless, selfish person who I do not recognize at all.
Amen. Testify.. It is painful to feel like the person you thought you married has changed in these ways. I found that realizing this actually upset me more than when my W told me she wanted to D.
M: 32 W: 29 T: 9 Years M: 4 Years I hit rock bottom: 2/11 PA admitted: 4/11 WAW: 5/11 D filed: 6/11 now: Patience, wisdom, and growth - hopefully.
Yep, I hear ya Telemark. The combination of the friendly disposition but the "don't touch me" attitude can get to you after awhile. Maybe your W is on the same spaceship mine is and the aliens will be kind enough to return our real Ws to us.
It's not the "don't touch me" so much as the sneaking around and the deceptive calculating planning she is doing. We've already endured previous divorces; does she think this one will be any easier?
I'm pacing around the house trying to wrap my head around the fact that in her mind she is already divorced; just waiting to do the paperwork and move out. It's very tempting to tell her to find a place to live as soon as possible.
I want to move past this. I want to feel like the person I used to be. And I want this damn knot in my stomach to go away.
H 56 W 48 D27,S21 SS25 SS22 Severely autistic M(#2 for both) 9 1/2 yrs. "I've never loved you" 3/7/2011 Separated 8/7/2011 BITS
Hang tough, tele - if we believe at all what we are trying to do and what we are told by the good people here, we have to hang tough and see it through. The WAW are in a fog - mine in depression, yours in EA - convinced the grass is greener. It isn't, and we can only hope we have the physical and mental strength to see this bulls*t through while the WAWs figure that out.
As a good friend of mine tells me, there is no logic here. No rhyme, no reason. We have to be the best we can be, and do it for ourselves. Do we hope they notice? Of course we do. But we can't put a timetable on it or let it consume us. Keep your eye on the ball,and don't get overwhelmed by that which is out of your control.
Thinking of you.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
We've already endured previous divorces; does she think this one will be any easier?
Yes, you would only hope that she knows better.
Originally Posted By: any chance?
As a good friend of mine tells me, there is no logic here. No rhyme, no reason. We have to be the best we can be, and do it for ourselves. Do we hope they notice? Of course we do. But we can't put a timetable on it or let it consume us. Keep your eye on the ball,and don't get overwhelmed by that which is out of your control.
I don't think I could've said it any better.
Unfortunately, we are competing with this fantasy that doesn't exist. And the thing that really sux is we're husband will to do ANYTHING to make it work. That's why we're help.
I often wonder if I'm strong enough to withstand all of this too Telemark.
You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You have made some great strides, and when you come out the other side, you will be a better man for having gone through it.
Keep your chin up.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
